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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems? What measures can be used to solve these problems?

#movement #people #areas #cities #work #places #measures
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There has been a migration tendency among
people
Use synonyms
 from rural areas to urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
This
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 kind of relocation has its own issues in rural and urban areas as well.
This
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 essay will discuss those problems and potential tackles of it
To begin
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 with, the main problem is overpopulation. As it is known
cities
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 are already overcrowded nowadays.
Moreover
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, the moving of a large number of inhabitants will make it even worse. To illustrate
this
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, agricultural labourers move to the city with their children who need good educational facilities
such
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 as schools and yards.
However
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, educational institutions are deficient. Families from villages will increase the demand for them. Another considerable problem is the pollution of the
cities
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. The number of used vehicles will be increasing with the growth of city residents.
Hence
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, the more
people
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 move, the higher pollution will be in the
cities
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.
On the other hand
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, there is a reasonable decision to solve the problems. It is providing equal workplace
conditions
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 by the government.
People
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 move to the
cities
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 in order to get
a higher salaries
Correct the article-noun agreement
a higher salary
higher salaries
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, better
life
Replace the word
living
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conditions
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 and have comfortable zones to shop and so on .
As a result
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, equalizing standards of living both in
cities
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 and in villages would decline the number of
people
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 who change
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 place of residence.
Consequently
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, the same work and living
conditions
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 by authorities could become a solution to encountering problems When
people
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 change their living location in order to get a job from villages to
cities
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 it could cause some concerns
such
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 as o overpopulating and pollution of air.
Nevertheless
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, it has
also
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 a solution which is giving the same
conditions
Use synonyms
 of employment and living circumstances.
Submitted by sassikovayasemin on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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