IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many believe that it is important to protect all wild animals, while others think that it is important to protect some, not all of them. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#animals
Many
people
 think that the protection of the entire wildlife is crucial, but others argue that only several species should be protected. These two points of argument are truly interesting, and choosing one option or another will not be an easy task. First of all, there is no doubt that saving and protecting all living
animals
 is important for the entire humanity.
People
 need to perceive the necessity of
such
 actions because all
animals
 are part of the global ecosystem.
Furthermore
, by disturbing it,
people
 can cause more damage to all living organisms including
people
.
For example
, if the population of
animals
 that consume insects becomes lower or completely extinct, insects can cause serious
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
 to farmers’ crops,
therefore
 limiting the amount of food
that is
 produced.
On the other hand
, a different group believes that only some
animals
 should be protected. The point in that could be related to the fact that many
animals
Change the noun form
animal
show examples
 species are very poisonous and even deadly to humans.
For instance
, snakes, spiders or crocodiles, which inhabit the vast majority of land in Australia, are highly dangerous to their citizens even when these
animals
 are not attacked.
This
 is a convincing fact for many to accept the limitation in wildlife protection. In my opinion, all
animals
 are equally important and should be saved because most of them are almost extinct. If we protect only some
animals
, the harm caused to the environment may not be reversed.
To conclude
, many
people
 say that all
animals
 should be protected
while
 others are opposed. We all live in one world and should manage to save all living
animals
 to maintain the balance of the earth's ecosystem.
Submitted by michal.nogaj on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses both sides of the argument and provides a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effective. However, ensure that the body paragraphs develop the points with clear and relevant supporting details.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: