IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some believe that we should invent a new language for international communication. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#believe #language #communication #outweigh
Some
people
 reckon that a new international
language
 should be invented for communication.
Although
 I think that it maintains some obvious useful consequences, I strongly believe that the disadvantages of using a new international
language
 can outweigh its benefits. On the one hand, several reasons could be mentioned that why some want a new
language
 which uses all over the world.
Firstly
, they claim that we can solve all problems all over the world in
this
 way.
This
 means that leaders of countries can talk without
Add an article
a translator
show examples
translator
Fix the agreement mistake
translators
show examples
 to other leaders and they can solve
Add an article
the problem
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other by
protect
Change the verb form
protecting
show examples
 privacy.
Secondly
, they believe that students can take a chance to study a country which they want.
Therefore
, these students will get more information about other countries’ education and cultures.
On the other hand
,
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
many
Add a missing verb
are many
show examples
 reasons why inventing a new
language
 cannot be accepted by
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of
people
.
First
 of all, if governments want to create a new
language
, they should allocate more money from
budget
Add an article
the budget
show examples
 for
this
 purpose and it can lead to an obvious problem.
This
 means that
people
 can think that allocating more money
other
Change preposition
to other
show examples
 fields like education and health can give more benefits
instead
 of inventing
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
language
.
Secondly
, some
people
 especially senior citizens can be reluctant to learn
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
language
.
For instance
, if some do not learn
this
language
, as well as, they are reluctant to teach
this
language
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 children and grandchildren.
Finally
, it is undeniable that already school children have
heavy
Add an article
a heavy
show examples
 burden with many lessons and it is no secret that if a new
language
add
Change the verb form
adds
show examples
 their
sllylobus
Correct your spelling
syllabus
, they face many problems because of
more
Add an article
a more
the more
show examples
 and more heavy burden. In conclusion, using a new
language
 can lead to some obvious drawbacks, but I believe that owning a new
language
 is the best choice and the drawbacks that it brings about can outshine its benefits.
Submitted by faridqahramanov7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: