IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Today parents spend little free time with their children. Why is it the case? Who are more affected: parents or children?

#parents #time #children #case
For the
time
 being, modern
parents
 hardly spend their
time
 with their toddlers, even in their spare
time
.
This
 essay is devoted to the underlying roots of
this
, followed by the consequences it left on
children
. It is irrefutable to claim that nowadays
children
 have to face the lack of parental presence on a daily basis due to a number of reasons. To be specific, some people continue to work because some jobs require extra
time
 of labour. Jobs related to baking can be cited as a compelling example. These kinds of jobs usually entail heavy workloads which may not be dealt with during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
office hours.
Hence
,
parents
 can only spend a little
time
 of their day communicating and playing with their offspring. Because of the aforementioned roots, insufficient
time
 with
parents
 can cause a wealth of consequences on
children
.
In other words
, childhood is considered the most flexible learning phase for
children
 and without
parents
' supervision and guidance, they may badly shape their personality and perception and may eventually have some antisocial
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
For instance
, illegal drug use or becoming a criminal.
Hence
, it’s irrefutable to claim that these consequences are significantly serious and
parents
 should dedicate their
time
 to
children
 in order to educate them into
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
. In conclusion, due to modern work requirements,
parents
 hardly have
time
 with their
children
 which does more significant harm to
children
 than it does to
parents
.
Therefore
, guardians should balance their leisure
time
 with a view to providing
children
 with the best conditions to grow up.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: