Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuess both these views and give your own opinion.
In
this
era, the perspectives are divided into two significant views. Particularly, some college undergraduates insist that they should focus on different subjects besides
primary ones whereas
others claim that a qualification is the most important thing to achieve. In this
essay, I will discuss both sides of this
debate as well as
offer my point of view.
On the one hand, I suppose that getting educated in other fields besides
the curriculum might broaden their horizons and enhance their critical thinking skills. By acquiring information in diverse fields, they can foster a holistic understanding of the lesson. For instance
, a computer science learner may choose to take a course in graphic design in order to increase his work's attraction to users. Additionally
, exploring diverse aspects can help them develop new interests and passions that may shape their future career paths.
On the other hand
, the current educational programs are considered to be overwhelming and heavy, which causes much pressure on learners. As a result
, many university students tend to suffer from mental illness because of having to absorb a large amount of knowledge in a short amount of time. That is
why the idea of not attending unnecessary classes is advocated greatly. Moreover
, they are supposed to spend their leisure time upgrading themselves instead
. For instance
, high school students who are often overwhelmed are advised to join the gym or local table tennis club to release stress and gain much positive energy.
In conclusion, many people reflect that absorbing other subjects apart from core ones but in my opinion, I think they should invest their effort in learning primary lessons to get a highly recognized degree that makes them a potential candidate when applying for a job in any organization.Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on
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coherence cohesion
The essay presents an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which provides a clear structure. However, the logical progression between ideas could be improved. For example, there could be smoother transitions between arguments and more cohesive links between sentences within paragraphs.
task achievement
Make sure to present more specific examples and details to support main points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing. For instance, elaborate more on how exploring other subjects impacts future career prospects or mental well-being.
task achievement
Pay attention to clarity and precision in your ideas. Avoid vague expressions like 'many people reflect' and instead, use specific and direct statements. This enhances the comprehensibility and impact of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and well-defined, providing a complete response to the task.
task achievement
The essay covers both perspectives of the debate and makes a clear stand, which shows a good understanding of the task.
task achievement
The use of examples such as the computer science learner and the overwhelmed high school students adds relatable content to the essay.