IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for parents doing this? Is this a positive or negative development for the children?

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In
this
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 contemporary era,
children
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 are extremely forced by their
parents
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 to become successful in their lives. There are multiple causes behind
this
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 which include, competition and expensive living. In my opinion, it has a detrimental impact on a child's mind.
To begin
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, mother or father put extra pressure on
children
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 because of competition among people at present. Many
parents
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 assume that their
children
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 can only win the rat race if they can work harder than the others.
For instance
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, to get selected for
the
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apply
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Delhi University, students need to score more than ninety-eight
per cents
Correct your spelling
per cent
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 in high school.
Therefore
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,
parents
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 make their
children
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 put more effort than their peers.
In addition
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, today's expensive lifestyle has
also
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 made
parents
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 push their
children
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 intensely to perform better.
For example
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, to afford more than the standard way of living people require
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 wages salary or a superior position in companies.
Therefore
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, an employee's profile needs to stand out in order to earn significantly.
Hence
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,
parents
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 become rigid in guiding their
children
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. Talking about impact, is it beneficial or detrimental
for
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to
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 a child's development? Certainly, it has a damaging effect on students. Putting extra force on
children
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's minds can cause depression which eventually will lead to poor outcomes. For a healthy and proper evolvement of
children
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,
parents
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 should understand their respective capabilities.
To conclude
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,
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a
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successful life for a child is desired by every parent and there is no harm in thinking that.
However
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, because of the increased competition at every stage of life,
parents
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 are pushing their
children
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 intensely and harshly to do better and
this
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 can negatively impact their
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children
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children's
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 brains.

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task response
The essay lacks a clear and organized structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and relates to the overall point of the essay. Utilize transition words and phrases to create cohesion and coherence throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack depth and clear summarization of the main points. Focus on providing a more comprehensive and succinct introduction and conclusion that effectively outline the main arguments and provide closure to the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Excessive pressure
  • Academic achievements
  • Professional success
  • Secure future
  • Social comparison
  • Competitive environment
  • Psychological impact
  • Stress and anxiety
  • Resilience
  • Work ethic
  • Emotional well-being
  • Supportive parenting
  • Achievements
  • Life skills
  • Balance
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