Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

It is true that in the advent
Correct your spelling
technology
techlonogy
Change preposition
of techlonogy
show examples
ages, more and more
people
are known for flashy and glamourous lifestyles. While these celebrities will
affact
Correct your spelling
affect
to teenagers wrongly. I believe that other influencers can be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outstanding role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
.
Firstly
, some celebrities are popular in social media by their famer rather than their achievements and those give a bad example to young
people
. Some influencers usually show off their
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
, cars of
famous
Add an article
the famous
a famous
show examples
brand
Fix the agreement mistake
brands
show examples
on Facebook or Instagram, and their easy life without working.
As a result
, teenagers take care
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
appreance
Correct your spelling
appearance
, the spots in the media than
Correct your spelling
schoolwork
show examples
school work
Correct your spelling
schoolwork
show examples
.
Furthmore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, few creators who have a thousand
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
follwers
Correct your spelling
followers
post dangerous experiences or toxic topics on Youtube.Those can be
affact
Correct your spelling
affect
to both the emotion and physic of impressionable teens.
On the other hand
, many talented
people
are famous for the
ditermation
Correct your spelling
determination
in their
filed
Correct your spelling
field
show examples
. There are a lot of Acsticals, Singers,
Althetes
Correct your spelling
Athletes
get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
successful careers by application and ambition. These
people
send to positive message to young
people
about hard
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
.
For example
, BTS, a
notiable
Correct your spelling
notable
noticeable
boy group from
Korean
Correct your spelling
Korea
show examples
, by
peforming
Correct your spelling
performing
the
brightly
Change the adverb
bright
show examples
song,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
motivate young to be confident and love
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
.
Bacause
Correct your spelling
Because
they had the struggling in the past and now become famous
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
through the
ditermation
Correct your spelling
determination
and no give up, they become
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, in the digital
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
, it
is seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
easily
Replace the adverb
easy
show examples
to become well-known
people
and young
people
may have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
non-true
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
anout
Correct your spelling
about
them.
However
, there
alway
Correct your spelling
always
are talented
people
getting their succession by hard work and they may motivate to others.
Submitted by Andy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: