Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money

It is a well-known fact that famous

people

, like singers and movie stars, are paid a good fortune. Some say they are significantly overpaid. But in my perspective, I totally disagree with

this

opinion, for the following reasons. First of all, most celebrities have put great effort into their careers before they get famous. They need to spend tens of thousands of hours acting, singing,

physical

Correct word choice

and physical

show examples

training to become who they are.

For example

, Olympic gold medal winners usually start training when they are very young and spend more than ten years

Change preposition

show examples

the same sports before beating 99 per cent of their competitors and winning the honour.

And a

Correct word choice

show examples

professional guitarist has to spend most of his days practising the chords and finger replacements. These

people

deserve good pay for their hard work.

Moreover

, celebrities can bring significant value to companies and the entire society.

For instance

, the endorsement of a sports star can get a sports drink company thousands of millions of dollars

extra

Change preposition

in extra

show examples

revenue. And many young

people

will start purchasing just because they see their idols appear on a TV commercial.

Besides

, after disasters like the 3-11 earthquake in Japan, singers and actors used their influence to start fundraising campaigns and collected millions of dollars to help the disaster-affected

people

. These

people

need to be paid what they are worth. In conclusion, I believe celebrities are not being overpaid. They are just hard-working

people

who create considerable value for society. And

this

kind of

people

deserves high pay.

Submitted by lvwei1001 on Tue Nov 16 2021

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coherence cohesion

Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, with well-developed arguments and examples. Ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the topic and the central argument, and consider using linking words to strengthen cohesion.

task achievement

Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and provides relevant and specific examples to support your argument. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion clearly summarize your position, and maintain a consistent focus on the main points throughout the essay.

lexical resource

Your use of vocabulary is varied, and you convey your ideas with clarity. Make sure to use transitions and cohesive devices to create a smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs.

grammatical range

Your essay shows a good command of grammar, with a variety of sentence structures and accurate use of tenses. Keep an eye on subject-verb agreement and ensure that your sentences are clear and concise.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

252 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

lucrative
revenue
sponsorships
merchandise
career longevity
market demand
economic contribution
role models
influence
entertainment industry

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