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Band 7

Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money

#celebrities #money
It is a well-known fact that famous
people
, like singers and movie stars, are paid a good fortune. Some say they are significantly overpaid. But in my perspective, I totally disagree with
this
 opinion, for the following reasons. First of all, most celebrities have put great effort into their careers before they get famous. They need to spend tens of thousands of hours acting, singing,
physical
Correct word choice
and physical
show examples
 training to become who they are.
For example
, Olympic gold medal winners usually start training when they are very young and spend more than ten years
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same sports before beating 99 per cent of their competitors and winning the honour.
And a
Correct word choice
A
show examples
 professional guitarist has to spend most of his days practising the chords and finger replacements. These
people
 deserve good pay for their hard work.
Moreover
, celebrities can bring significant value to companies and the entire society.
For instance
, the endorsement of a sports star can get a sports drink company thousands of millions of dollars
extra
Change preposition
in extra
show examples
 revenue. And many young
people
 will start purchasing just because they see their idols appear on a TV commercial.
Besides
, after disasters like the 3-11 earthquake in Japan, singers and actors used their influence to start fundraising campaigns and collected millions of dollars to help the disaster-affected
people
. These
people
 need to be paid what they are worth. In conclusion, I believe celebrities are not being overpaid. They are just hard-working
people
 who create considerable value for society. And
this
 kind of
people
 deserves high pay.
Submitted by lvwei1001 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, with well-developed arguments and examples. Ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the topic and the central argument, and consider using linking words to strengthen cohesion.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and provides relevant and specific examples to support your argument. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion clearly summarize your position, and maintain a consistent focus on the main points throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is varied, and you convey your ideas with clarity. Make sure to use transitions and cohesive devices to create a smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs.
grammatical range
Your essay shows a good command of grammar, with a variety of sentence structures and accurate use of tenses. Keep an eye on subject-verb agreement and ensure that your sentences are clear and concise.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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