Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures

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The

health

Use synonyms

problem among

people

Use synonyms

around the world is increasing. While some

people

Use synonyms

believe that with increasing

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sports

Use synonyms

facilities

Use synonyms

we will

increase

Use synonyms

the public

health

Use synonyms

level

Use synonyms

, others argue that it would have too small

effect

Correct article usage

an effect

show examples

to change it. I totally agree with the former argument, and in

this

Linking Words

essay, I will discuss both sides of the topic. At

first

Linking Words

, let's talk about why

sports

Use synonyms

facilities

Use synonyms

are important. Because with

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

facilities

Use synonyms

government will promote the

sport

Use synonyms

and HLS.

For example

Linking Words

, I notice that when free gyms under the sky were built in my hometown, the number of doing

Use synonyms

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

people

Use synonyms

are increased.

Moreover

Linking Words

, I can see that there

too

Add a missing verb

are too

show examples

many

people

Use synonyms

coming here in the evening. Or another example, until

mass

Add an article

the mass

show examples

building of football stadium in my hometown there was

Change the article

show examples

only stadium.

However

Linking Words

, after building around 30 stadiums, there minimum

Change preposition

of 30

show examples

people

Use synonyms

in each one. It is demonstrated that the

sports

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facilities

Use synonyms

can

increase

Use synonyms

the

sport

Use synonyms

doing

people

Use synonyms

. Causes of the most

health

Use synonyms

problems are laziness of

people

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and do not move enough. But when there is a lot of abilities

such

Linking Words

as playing football, working out or running every day on special tracks,

people

Use synonyms

would try one of them in someday. It is better as much as possible

sports

Use synonyms

facilities

Use synonyms

in every town. But,

on the other hand

Linking Words

, the low

health

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detected in the poor

countries

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. They are usually needed for just water, and there are

sports

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facilities

Use synonyms

would

Correct pronoun usage

that would

show examples

not help with the

health

Use synonyms

level

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

bad

health

Use synonyms

level

Use synonyms

result

Add an article

the result

a result

show examples

of bad foods and unclean water.

There

Correct your spelling

These

show examples

are the basics of healthy

life

Replace the word

living

show examples

. In poor

Use synonyms

countries

Add a comma

,countries

show examples

people

Use synonyms

are working for money to have

ability

Change the article

the ability

show examples

to buy food. I do not think that they have time for the

sport

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. Government should

increase

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the economics of the country to solve

this

Linking Words

issue.

This

Linking Words

is terrible, because

average

Correct article usage

the average

show examples

life expectancy in developing

countries

Use synonyms

is 80 years, while in poor

countries

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

indication is only approximately 50 years. In conclusion, if

people

Use synonyms

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

Remove the article

apply

show examples

access

for

Change preposition

show examples

any

sports

Use synonyms

facilities

Use synonyms

then

Linking Words

they have to use it to

increase

Use synonyms

Remove the article

apply

show examples

their

health

Use synonyms

level

Use synonyms

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because some

people

Use synonyms

just can not afford it.

Submitted by fandybayevd on Wed Nov 17 2021

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
8
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

359 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

public health
sports facilities
physical activity
exercise
chronic diseases
heart disease
obesity
inclusivity
participation
safe environment
social interaction
community engagement
comprehensive approach
health education programs
environmental factors
healthcare infrastructure
quality healthcare services
public health initiatives

What to do next:

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Fully explain your ideas

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