IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organisations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #support #aid #organisations #attention #celebrities
According to legislation, Giving punishment for
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
 could really affect the mindsets of criminals.
However
, it has been observed that they still commit crimes as they are released from prison. In
this
 essay, I shall describe
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 reasons for
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
 sentiment and solutions for it. The primary key factor is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self-realization. When criminals are kept in prison, they do not realize that they had done something wrong. Their mental dilemma remains
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 after
releasing
Wrong verb form
release
show examples
 because it is absolutely fine for them to spend a certain amount of time in prison. They enjoy
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 lifestyle as before. Another reason is
society
, where they had
Correct your spelling
grown up
show examples
grownup
Correct your spelling
grown up
show examples
,
thereafter
, comes to the same environment, which influences them again to do the same.
For example
, my husband committed five drink and
drive
Change the form of the verb
driving
show examples
 offences, and when he goes
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the party,
still
Correct pronoun usage
he still
show examples
, ended up doing the same offence. Discussing
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the solution for changing the repeated offence behaviour of
crminals
Correct your spelling
criminals
, I would like to suggest that reformatory places are better than prisons where they can be taught about
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 of crimes and their affected families. They should visit those families and understand what they have been going through. Another considerable point could
be steps
Change the verb form
be stepped
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 by Government to change the
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
 stereotype for them, should be able to regain respect from them. One of my cousins,
for instance
, found
very
Correct pronoun usage
it very
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 hard to find a good job after he
sentenced
Add a missing verb
was sentenced
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 six months in jail.
Thus
, certain rules and
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
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 should be implemented for obtaining the same position in
society
.
At
Change the preposition
In
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 the end,
victim
Add an article
the victim
a victim
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 will no longer be
criminal
Correct article usage
a criminal
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 unless he would learn self-realization and surroundings, should rather support them
instead
 of
degrading
Correct pronoun usage
themdegrading
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. Prisons must be converted to correction facilities,
as a result
, would uplift them mentally to do better for
society
 and
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
.
Submitted by dipikachhokar on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Philanthropy
  • International aid
  • Humanitarian
  • Public discourse
  • Star power
  • Awareness
  • Oversimplification
  • Trivialization
  • Expertise
  • Misinformation
  • Sustainability
  • Advocacy
  • Tangible
  • Influence
  • Endorsement
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