IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

92.Some people think that children should go to school as early as possible where as others believe they should wait until they are 7 years old. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The importance of
children
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children's
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 early schooling or late schooling
was
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has
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 always debatable
has
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and has
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 now become more controversial with many people claiming that it is beneficial,
while
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 others reject
this
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 notion. The substantial influence of
this
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 trend has sparked controversy over
the
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its
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 potential impact in recent years. In my opinion, early access to studying appears to be more rational.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate my views and
thus
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 will lead to a logical conclusion. Analysing the statement and explaining
further
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 the first and foremost reason behind
this
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 is that pupils with fast access to school can learn how the social world works, by watching
from
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apply
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other students or
by
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apply
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through teachers.
Next,
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with the tender brain age, tutors can impart good habits like sharing, apologizing, discipline and proper communication, which are essential to be successful in future.
Then
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, students starting as early as possible can earn jobs faster.
For example
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, my nephew graduated from a premier institution at the age of 21, was quickly selected got placement in a company of his choice and can earn more money with
long
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a long
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 retirement age compared to his colleagues.
On the other hand
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, parents who preferred to join their kids late in school opine differently.
Firstly
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, older kids can understand the topic and grasp the concepts compared to the young buds.
Moreover
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, their cognitive mind enables them to adapt to the stress and
strains
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strain
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 levels in classes.
For instance
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, older students can multitask the learnings from all the subjects simultaneously at a time and even can learn multiple languages as is the case in the Indian education system.
Hence
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, it is apparent why many are against
this
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 trend. To recapitulate,
according to
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 the arguments aforementioned above, fast access to
the
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apply
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school will help kids to jump ahead in the competition and late schooling enables them to gain in
long
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the long
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 term.

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task achievement
The essay does address both views of the argument, providing reasons and examples for each side. However, it would benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction stating the writer's position more explicitly.
task achievement
Some points could be developed further to improve clarity and comprehensiveness. For instance, more detailed examples could strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a logical structure with clear paragraphs. However, transitions between ideas could be improved for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and avoid mixing different points within the same paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, successfully encapsulating the discussion.
task achievement
Both perspectives of the topic are addressed with relevant points and examples.
task achievement
The conclusion summarizes the essay effectively, reflecting on both sides discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • critical developmental period
  • foundational skills
  • learning difficulties
  • long-term academic outcomes
  • structured learning environments
  • emotional and social development
  • mental health
  • well-rounded development
  • natural pace of childhood development
  • cognitive and personal growth
  • mature emotionally and socially
  • structured demands
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