In some parts of the world it is becoming popular to research the history of one's own family why my triple want to do this is it a positive or negative development ?

History plays a vital role in the
masses
Change noun form
mass's
masses'
show examples
life. In several parts of the world, it is becoming more
famous
Correct word choice
popular
show examples
to research the genealogy of individual own family.
This
essay will
further
elaborate my views for favouring the positive impact of the strand and
thus
will lead to a logical conclusion. Analysing the statement and explaining
further
, the first and the foremost reason behind
this
is that it is a great chance for people to get
know
Fix the infinitive
to know
show examples
about sacrifices and struggles of the ancestors so they can easily encourage from the history of the family, they will
also
begin do burning the midnight oil for success and fame.
For example
, Amitabh Bachchan is a famous actor in India. His children are
also
great celebrities because they
go
Verb problem
get
show examples
to
know
Verb problem
learn
show examples
about the history of their father. They followed in the same footsteps as the father.
Thus
, all family members were inspired by the struggles of grandparents and parents.
Moreover
, they can
know
Verb problem
learn
show examples
about past mistakes from their seniors going to they can learn about mistakes, so they will not repeat the same mistakes in their life and they will give respect to family members.
Furthermore
,
this
method creates more affection in families. They will start helping in through thick and thin.It
built
Verb problem
had
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
influence on the families. In conclusion,
although
taking background information of the own family
to have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
like the opportunity to know,encourage and easily fulfil
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
requirements with positive Vibes
yet
Rephrase
apply
show examples
,it has drawbacks like they will have
gain
Wrong verb form
gained
show examples
attitude and feel over smart in society.
Submitted by naresh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay lacks clarity in addressing the prompt. The response should provide a clear stance on whether researching one's family history is a positive or negative development, supported by relevant arguments and examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is disorganized, making it difficult to follow the flow of ideas. Developing a clear introduction and conclusion, as well as using cohesive devices, will improve coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: