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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think people have benefited from modern communication technology, while others think people have not benefited at all. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #communication #technology
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It is true that
people
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 nowadays can easily keep in touch with one another. Advanced
technology
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 has an indispensable role to play in the context of many realms of contemporary society. Some
people
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harbor
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harbour
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 a belief that communication through the
internet
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 improves their lives, whilst others hold the reverse viewpoint. From my perspective, I am inclined to stand with the proponents.
Initially
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, the front and
center
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centre
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 are that modern
technology
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 makes the connection much more convenient. There is a growing tendency for
people
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 nowadays to either text messages or make phone calls via social media or communication software owing to rapid
internet
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 speed. For those youngsters, high-tech allows them to learn more and faster, like distance learning during the pandemic, resulting in a hyper-connected world.
Moreover
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,
people
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 occasionally realize the extent of the fact that streaming media can gain connections between individuals.
For instance
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,
people
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 could now know what a superstar’s life is via social media or streaming videos. These indicate that modern
technology
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 indeed brings some positive effects.
Additionally
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, the advance of the
Internet
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 has had a beneficial impact on the growth of cross-border trade and international business, facilitating collaboration between individuals and diverse cultural backgrounds. At the other end of the spectrum,
such
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 a vital role does
technology
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 play in making human society more dangerous. Considering privacy exposed on the
internet
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, personal information could be misappropriated by hackers.
In addition
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, cybercrimes
as well as
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 cyberbullying are getting more and more serious, which has made cybersecurity an important global issue in recent years. In sum, even though high-tech indeed has some merits in communication, and I am convinced that the pros of
this
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 outweigh the cons, it is an irreversible trend, and its demerits must not be ignored.
Thus
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, governments must put more effort into cybersecurity to yield the greatest returns on investment.
Submitted by yoona27513341 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is focused on a single idea or theme. Try to avoid introducing several different points in one paragraph which could confuse the reader.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to illustrate your points vividly and enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Be aware of the logical progression from one idea to another to maintain clarity in your essay.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed both views on the topic, providing a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and a well-rounded conclusion, which enhances readability.
coherence cohesion
The use of cohesive devices like 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' 'In sum,' helps in maintaining flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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