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The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. School should cut art and music out of the cirriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree?

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The central reason behind
education
 is mastered in the modern world.
Children
 pay more attention to necessary or favourable
subjects
 that are related to modern technology due to
art
 and
music
 should be cut out of the
curriculum
. While I am in total disagreement with
this
 notion that these kinds of
subjects
,
for instance
,
music
 and
art
 should be cut out of the
education
 program for involving students in technological disciplines, but I agree that in the modern world students must have special interest for the IT.
Education
 certainly determines the quality of an individual‘s life.
Education
 can improve or make progress knowledge, skills, abilities of personality and attitude.
That is
 why
education
 and the system of
education
 are the most essential for our society. One of the modern
education
 systems is a
curriculum
 for learning and searching in all the
subjects
. There are advantages and disadvantages to the
curriculum
. On the one hand,
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 of
curriculum
Correct article usage
a curriculum
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 that it can help us to select learning experiences.
Furthermore
, the
curriculum
 is able to contribute to the appropriate selection and organization of learning experiences.
In addition
, when people study in
curriculum
 system they can know with sophisticated modern technology.
This
 condition has been helping
children
 for modern life.
Secondly
, individuals should make crucial decisions
what
Change preposition
about what
show examples
 is connected to their real-life in
curriculum
, people can get together for doing
subjects
 of interest.
On the other hand
, some insignificant
subjects
,
such
 as
art
,
music
 and others which they enter in the
curriculum
 should be cut out of the
education
 program. For my personal consideration,
children
 should make
art
, listen to
music
 or sing
music
 out of school. If these
subjects
 are out of the
curriculum
,
this
 condition can help
children
 focus on available or useful
subjects
.
As a result
, if we want to encounter with modern future, we shall be careful
for
Change the preposition
with
about
of
show examples
 our
education
.
Education
 has an essential role in preparing
children
 for modern society or the world.
Submitted by abbasoveli on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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