Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven year old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #home #six #seven #year #school

Which suitable age

children

should start their education at

school

is a controversial issue. While I understand that

children

staying at

home

until the age of six or seven bring several

benefit

Change to a plural noun

benefits

show examples

, I strongly believe that they should go to

school

at the earliest. On

one

hand, staying at

home

until reaching six or seven brings

children

some advantages.

Firstly

children

obtained

Correct pronoun usage

who obtained

show examples

home

education before attending

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

grade

one

might have a better background than other pupils.

This

is because their parents allow them to spend their daily time

to teach

Change the verb form

teaching

show examples

their son or daughter

one

. Another advantage is that

this

group of

children

might have more

confident

Replace the word

confidence

show examples

comparing

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

with pupils going to class soon. They are mature, so they could have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

stronger mental and physical health.

On the other hand

, there are two main reasons parents should bring their

children

school

as soon as possible.

First

of all,

children

leaving their family soon have to learn the way

adapting

Wrong verb form

adapt

show examples

with

Change preposition

show examples

new

Add an article

the new

a new

show examples

environment. Schooling environment

give

Change the verb form

gives

show examples

them more opportunity to make friends, be familiar with classes and lessons soon.

Consequently

, they are able to improve their social relationship and many helpful skills.

For example

, they can learn how to perform alone or with friends, and participate in various healthy activities at

school

Secondly

, parents can save time in taking care of

children

, so they are able to acquire a more flexible schedule for their job.

As a result

, they could ensure their income and cover their life. In conclusion, I firmly argue that the benefit of

children

going to

school

as soon as possible

outweigh

Change the verb form

outweighs

show examples

that of staying at

home

until they reach the age of six or seven.

Submitted by Andy on Thu Nov 18 2021

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

283 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven year old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

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