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Writing Samples
Band 5

Currently the number of social problems involving young people is rising because more parnets spend time at workd than with their childern. To what exent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to supprot your answer.

Nowadays there is a serious topic that teenagers involve numerous problems. Some people believe that they do because of spending less
time
Use synonyms
 with their
parents
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, whereas others think that there are other factors for making social matters. In
this
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 essay, I totally disagree with the latter notion and I will compare two points of view. Clearly, there are reasons why the number of teenage
crimes
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 rises because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
most
parents
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spend more
time
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 at work.
Firstly
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,
crimes
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 can be happened from neglecting children. They spend more
time
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 with their friends rather than adults.
Moreover
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, if they are too young, they will act whether it is
a
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apply
show examples
bad behaviour or not. Getting along with friends, they can try to shoplift, get
interest
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interested
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 in drugs or drinks and
playing
Wrong verb form
play
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 with guns.
Besides
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, sometimes the schoolchildren occur social issues for attracting attention from
parents
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.
Secondly
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, it is related to home education. Recently most people
Add a missing verb
are concern
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concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
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 about tolerance, patience and consideration
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their children at home.
However
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, it is quite difficult to have meals at the same
time
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. On the flip side, I contend that teenage
crimes
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is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
separate from spending
time
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 with
parents
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.
First
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 of all, the internet affects
on
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apply
show examples
crimes
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.
For example
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, there are sensational things on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube and
also
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 drama and movies sometimes contain them.
This
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 is because they try to draw attention from viewers to make money and it can lead to
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
 social problems
such
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 as alcohol, drug and guns.
In addition
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, it is for children to spend more
time
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 at work.
Parents
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 want to purchase expensive and luxurious things and provide a better environment for kids. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 teenager
crimes
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 can be happened because of attracting attention and getting less home training from
parents
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, I think that the internet effect which leads to
do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
 is huge and it is unavoidable for
parents
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 to work more and more.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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