IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for women. What is your opinion

#people #men #women #job #jobs
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is assumed that there should be no sexual
descriminatin
Correct your spelling
discrimination
 for a profession ,
although
Linking Words
 some people
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
believed that
woman's
Change the noun form
women
woman
show examples
 cannot do
Correct your spelling
specific
specefic
Correct article usage
a specefic
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. I consider that
women
Use synonyms
 and men do not have any
diffrences
Correct your spelling
differences
 in order to do their jobs. I will discuss the reasons in
further
Linking Words
 paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with ,as
women
Use synonyms
's
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
 are vital among
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
,
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 role in society cannot be neglected they are able to be
perosperous
Correct your spelling
prosperous
 at their own social status and go up to the ladder of success by a managed scheduled program in life .
for instance
Linking Words
, they bring up their children , train them and managing their households
in addition
Linking Words
 to working long hours cannot
be possibly happen
Change the verb form
possibly happen
show examples
 unless with a managed scheduled timing table
Moreover
Linking Words
, most of the
women
Use synonyms
 who are lonely responsible for the financial section in
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
 need to hire at a career which
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
 her family's need and if the
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 jobs become available for them unemployment in the society for these
women
Use synonyms
 will
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
occur
 .
In addition
Linking Words
, since
women
Use synonyms
 are considered as
Linking Words
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 gender in many societies
such
Linking Words
 as
iran
Change the capitalization
Iran
show examples
 ,
saudia
Change the capitalization
Saudia
Saudi
show examples
arabia
Change the capitalization
Arabia
show examples
 they cannot show their best in order to
Replace the word
lose
show examples
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
show examples
 their confidence .
for example
Linking Words
 , in
iran
Change the capitalization
Iran
show examples
 some people think that a woman cannot be a taxi driver and doing these
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 for
women
Use synonyms
 may be ashaming
therefore
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 prefer to stay at home and refuse to do
this
Linking Words
 career due to lack of
confidense
Correct your spelling
confidence
 and feeling uncomfortable. To sum up, as
women
Use synonyms
 and men are similar to do
any
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 jobs and no sex
descriminiaton
Correct your spelling
discrimination
 should not be in society . If the
women
Use synonyms
 managed their time and have self
confidance
Correct your spelling
confidence
 they can get promoted in
evey
Correct your spelling
every
 profession like men.
Submitted by sp1371 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: