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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

According to research, the current stocks of fish in the world's seas are becoming more and more reduced. Why is thie happening? What can be done to change this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

Recent
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A recent
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 survey by
national
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the national
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 geographic channel to
emphasis
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emphasise
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on
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apply
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the importance of preserving living creatures in
Use synonyms
sea
Correct your spelling
seawater
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water
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 especially fishes was done. The survey shows that there has been a steady decline in the number of fish in the world
sea
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. And they have pointed out
major
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the major
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 reason for its decline. Most importantly it’s excessive fishing
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 leads to
this
Linking Words
 problem. There has been an increased demand for
Use synonyms
sea food
Correct your spelling
seafood
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 especially fishes due to its health benefits. These days people are more inclined to lean meat rather than red meat which makes it easier for them to cut down the extra fat which is the cause
for
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of
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 major health problems. So,
Correct your spelling
fishermen
fishermens
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fishermen
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 tend to increase their fishing activity due to the increased demand which gives them a chance to gain that extra cash to feed their family.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
,this
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 there has been increased
water
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 pollution which these days. The average ppm of river
water
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(fresh) which mixes in
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sea
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the sea
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 is found to be greater than 150 which causes a great deal of disturbance in the marine
ecosystem
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. Most of the industries
is
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are
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 to be blamed for
this
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 problem especially chemical and fertilizer industries as they hardly treat their effluents before discharging them into the river which is the major cause of
water
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 pollution in turn polluting the
sea
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 and affecting the marine
ecosystem
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 in it. We could regain our marine
ecosystem
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 if the government enact some rules and people should be disciplined in following the same. People have to understand how important fish stocks are in preserving the
ecosystem
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 cycle and should reduce the consumption of fishes rather they very well could use other vegetable alternatives. And respective country’s government should step in and increase the industry standards for their wastewater treatments. There should be a ppm meter attached at the end of the discharge which should record and store the ppm data in it. When all these actions are put into place
then
Linking Words
 we could definitely see the desired results within
short
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a short
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 span of time.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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