IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree

#people #sites #facebook #impact #individuals #society
Social networking sites
such
 as Instagram and Facebook have a large influence on
people
 and
society
. Some
people
 think that these sites
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 brought a positive impact on individual and
society
. But I totally disagree with the claim that it brings positivity
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the lives of
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 and
society
.
Crime
Correct article usage
The crime
show examples
rate
 and
obesity
 burden has increased exponentially due to
plethora
Correct article usage
the plethora
show examples
 use of these social websites
One
 of the negative effects is
exponential
Add an article
an exponential
the exponential
show examples
 increase in
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
rate
 particularly in the
last
 decade. Due to
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
 in opinion on
Whats app
Add a hyphen
Whats-app
show examples
group
 and Facebook,
people
 threaten other
group
 members. There
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been many cases reported lately.
For example
,
one
 of the incidents happened in India, where
group
Correct article usage
a group
show examples
 admin of a social site app threatened and killed
one
 of the
group
 members. The reason was that he had a different point of view on a topic and that did not go well with the
group
 administrator. Due to easy access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 these networking websites,
people
 and
society
 lose patience and become intolerant.
As a result
,
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
rate
 has increased lately.
In addition
 to
increased
Add an article
the increased
show examples
crime
rate
,
obesity
Correct article usage
the obesity
show examples
 burden is on the rise due to physical inactivity and irregular eating habits. Because young
people
 engross themselves into Facebook or Instagram all day with minimal or no physical activity. It has given a gigantic negative repercussion on
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 and
society
 in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of health issues.
Therefore
,
obesity
, particularly in teenagers, has increased exponentially in the
last
 decade.
For instance
,
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
per
Change preposition
apply
show examples
report
Add an article
the report
a report
show examples
 published in
one
 of the leading health generals of Canada states that
obesity
 in children between
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 13 to 19 has
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increase
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 20% since 2000. To conclude, due to
easy
Correct article usage
the easy
show examples
 and free access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
these social networking site
Change the determiner
this social networking site
these social networking sites
show examples
,
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
rate
 has risen up.
In addition
,
obesity
 has increased due to physical inactivity due to occupying
all time
Add a hyphen
all-time
show examples
 with
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 and there is no time for physical
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
. The government can help to reduce
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
rate
 and
obesity
 by publishing ill effects of being not active and displaying some hoardings on main intersections of cities that explain
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of tolerance and patience.
Submitted by ravinder132 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • face-to-face
  • interactions
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • polarize
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • procrastination
  • productivity
  • social isolation
  • dissemination
  • breeding ground
  • vast amounts
  • personal information
  • mental health
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