IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree

#people #sites #facebook #impact #individuals #society
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Social networking sites
such
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 as Instagram and Facebook have a large influence on
people
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 and
society
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. Some
people
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 think that these sites
has
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have
show examples
 brought a positive impact on individual and
society
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. But I totally disagree with the claim that it brings positivity
in
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to
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 the lives of
individual
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individuals
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 and
society
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.
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Crime
Correct article usage
The crime
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rate
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 and
obesity
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 burden has increased exponentially due to
plethora
Correct article usage
the plethora
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 use of these social websites
One
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 of the negative effects is
exponential
Add an article
an exponential
the exponential
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 increase in
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crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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rate
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 particularly in the
last
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 decade. Due to
difference
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differences
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 in opinion on
Whats app
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Whats-app
show examples
group
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 and Facebook,
people
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 threaten other
group
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 members. There
has
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have
show examples
 been many cases reported lately.
For example
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,
one
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 of the incidents happened in India, where
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group
Correct article usage
a group
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 admin of a social site app threatened and killed
one
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 of the
group
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 members. The reason was that he had a different point of view on a topic and that did not go well with the
group
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 administrator. Due to easy access
of
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to
show examples
 these networking websites,
people
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 and
society
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 lose patience and become intolerant.
As a result
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,
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crime
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the crime
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rate
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 has increased lately.
In addition
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 to
increased
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the increased
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crime
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rate
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,
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obesity
Correct article usage
the obesity
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 burden is on the rise due to physical inactivity and irregular eating habits. Because young
people
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 engross themselves into Facebook or Instagram all day with minimal or no physical activity. It has given a gigantic negative repercussion on
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 and
society
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 in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of health issues.
Therefore
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,
obesity
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, particularly in teenagers, has increased exponentially in the
last
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 decade.
For instance
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,
as
Correct your spelling
a
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per
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apply
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report
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the report
a report
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 published in
one
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 of the leading health generals of Canada states that
obesity
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 in children between
age
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ages
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 13 to 19 has
an
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apply
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increase
of
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by
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 20% since 2000. To conclude, due to
easy
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the easy
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 and free access
of
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to
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these social networking site
Change the determiner
this social networking site
these social networking sites
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,
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crime
Add an article
the crime
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rate
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 has risen up.
In addition
Linking Words
,
obesity
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 has increased due to physical inactivity due to occupying
all time
Add a hyphen
all-time
show examples
 with
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 and there is no time for physical
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
. The government can help to reduce
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crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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rate
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 and
obesity
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 by publishing ill effects of being not active and displaying some hoardings on main intersections of cities that explain
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of tolerance and patience.
Submitted by ravinder132 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • face-to-face
  • interactions
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • polarize
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • procrastination
  • productivity
  • social isolation
  • dissemination
  • breeding ground
  • vast amounts
  • personal information
  • mental health
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