IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Living in big cities is bad for people's health. What extend do you agree and disagree?

#cities #people #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the present scenario, everyone has a dream to live in big
cities
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
, it is sometimes thought
people
Use synonyms
 have more
health
Use synonyms
 issues to live in the metropolitan areas. In my opinion, I considered that living in big
cities
Use synonyms
 have both positives and
negatives
Replace the word
negative
show examples
 effects on
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
. There are several reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 are getting more
health
Use synonyms
 problems while they are living in urban areas. The
first
Linking Words
 and foremost important thing is that increasing pollution. There is too much traffic congestion in a city because of the
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
 use of personal vehicles.
In addition
Linking Words
,
cities
Use synonyms
 do not have more trees to keep air pollution
in
Change preposition
under
show examples
 control.
Moreover
Linking Words
, most of the trees
cut
Add a missing verb
were cut
show examples
 down to construct tall buildings.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can not get fresh air. Another point to consider living in
cities
Use synonyms
 is not good for human's
health
Use synonyms
 means expanding industries. There are many factories in
cities
Use synonyms
 that are emitting toxic gases from their chimneys.
For instance
Linking Words
, in one survey has conducted in the Uk, toxic gases are terrible for human's
health
Use synonyms
 and they can be prevented from
breathe
Change the verb form
breathing
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 may have died because of breathing problems.
Hence
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 would have various detrimental diseases.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 have many options to fit their
health
Use synonyms
 when they are living in urban areas.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are many gyms available and
people
Use synonyms
 go on
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regular
basies
Correct your spelling
basis
 over there.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 are doing morning
walk
Fix the agreement mistake
walks
show examples
 and
exercies
Correct your spelling
exercises
exercise
 to keep
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 healthy.
Finally
Linking Words
, they may have
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 diet. In conclusion, the life expectancy is less in
cities
Use synonyms
 as
people
Use synonyms
 are affected by numerous diseases, but there are some ways to live
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 healthy life and it should not neglect.
Submitted by patelpayal8296 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: