IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

#people #advertisements #products #lives
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There are arguments about the impact of advertising on people’s purchasing habits today. A lot of people say that we will buy items which are not really helpful for us
due to
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 attractive advertisements,
while
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 others debate that through advertising, we may know new
products
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 which increase our quality of life. In my opinion, I agree with the second thought based on my experience.
First,
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there is no doubt that people have made wrong buying decisions because of inspiring advertisements
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while
Correct word choice
when
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 they do not really need things that they have bought.
However
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,
this
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 is not the fault of the advertisement because the advertising only provides the information to us so that making choices is our own responsibility.
For example
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, even though I saw a promotion about a luxury car that has attractive images and motion, I still have not chosen the car because I can use public transportation for my travelling. On the flip side, I think with the help of advertising, we can recognize our new needs through new
products
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 and services that make our lives better. Because of the development of advertising technology, we can access
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information
of
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about
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 plenty of
products
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 from all over the world,
as a result
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, we will know how to use them properly in every circumstance. I personally was very happy after I saw the advertisement about a tablet device which is light and powerful so that I can bring it anywhere
instead
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 of using my heavy laptop. In a nutshell, there are always opinions about the influence of advertising on our purchases.
However
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, I strongly believe whether advertising helps us to know that
products
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 are good for our lives or encourages us to buy unsuitable
products
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, the buying decision is up to us. We need to think carefully when receiving advertising information to optimize our own lives.
Submitted by diepthuong222 on

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task response
Task response: The essay addresses the prompt adequately, presenting the writer's opinion and supporting it with examples. However, make sure to clearly state your viewpoint in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay demonstrates good organization and structure, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. Use transition words to further improve the cohesion of ideas and ensure consistent paragraph development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
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