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Band 6

Some people say that the best way to imporve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others , however say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #imporve #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
As common knowledge, physical exercises can keep one's
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
.
People
's
healthness
Correct your spelling
healthiness
healthy ness
 are straightforward to the medical burden. Some
people
 believe public
health
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been improved through setting up more sports facilities. Others argue that those
sector
Change the determiner
sectors
show examples
 have not many effects on
health
 if no other support measurement.
This
 essay will discuss
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both sides; I tend to agree with
this
 latter viewpoint and how we improve our
health
 together with sports. Unquestionably, our body will be more fitted if
execrised
Correct your spelling
exercised
reqularly
Correct your spelling
regularly
. A rise
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities is more convenient for
people
 accessibility.
For example
, I always wanted to join the sports club for physical
trainning
Correct your spelling
training
 but found the centre far from my home. It made me an excuse to go for
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 out. Since a fitness centre has been open a month ago and it is quite close to me, I tried their free lecture promotion. Afterwards, I begin
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my
trainning
Correct your spelling
training
 plan, I feel I become more energic after a month
exercising
Change preposition
of exercising
show examples
.
On the other hand
, healthy life will be developed
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one's living style.
Regular
Add an article
A regular
show examples
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
such
 as early get up and early bed, plenty of rest, which
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 one's recovered from
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
daily
busy work
Correct your spelling
busywork
show examples
. Enough of relaxation will let
people
 avoid
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
under
pression
Correct your spelling
pressure
.
Moreover
, eating healthy like
balance
Add an article
the balance
a balance
show examples
 of food in
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of types, low in
caterolies
Correct your spelling
categories
 and high in
nutriution
Correct your spelling
nutrition
. In conclusion,
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities have been increased,
as a result
, more
accessable
Correct your spelling
accessible
 for
people
 doing exercises. I
argee
Correct your spelling
agree
 it might be
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
 choice to increase public
health
;
however
, the
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 living style is
also
 crucial role that we cannot ignore
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by edith430 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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