IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that computer skills should be added to primary subjects in elementary school such as reading, writing and math. How far do you agree or disagree?

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Some people say that
computer
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skills
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 should be added to primary subjects in elementary school,
such
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 as reading, writing, and math. I agree with
this
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 idea because
computers
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 are an important part of modern life, and children should learn how to
use
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 them from a young age.
However
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, it is
also
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 important to make sure they
use
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 them in a healthy way. Learning
computer
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skills
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 helps children keep up with modern technology and prepares them for the future. Today, we live in a world where technology is everywhere, and
kids
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 can easily find information on the internet. Because of
this
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, they need to learn how to
use
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computers
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 properly so they can be ready for a fast-changing society.
Also
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, using
computers
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 in school can help them improve their learning. Many school tasks now require a
computer
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, so if
kids
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 start learning early, they will feel more confident and ready for higher education. At the same
time
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, some people believe that learning
computer
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skills
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 at a young age can be harmful. Young children are still developing, and too much screen
time
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 can affect their eyes and brains.
According to
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 experts, children’s brains are more sensitive than
adults’
Correct your spelling
adults
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, so they are easily influenced by what they see. Because of
this
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, some people think
kids
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 should spend less
time
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 on electronic devices and more
time
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 on physical activities. In conclusion, learning
computer
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skills
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 has many benefits, and I agree that it should be included in elementary schools.
However
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, it is
also
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 important to make sure that
kids
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use
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computers
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 in a balanced and healthy way.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, you could mention specific programs or methods that have been successful in teaching computer skills to young children.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, transition phrases could be used to link your points more smoothly. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'On the other hand' would help with the flow of ideas.
task achievement
You might explore counterarguments briefly to provide a more nuanced view, which would enhance the depth of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position on the topic, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing your argument.
task achievement
You have a good balance between discussing the benefits of computer skills and acknowledging potential drawbacks, which shows critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital literacy
  • proficient
  • curriculum integration
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • digital citizenship
  • foundational subjects
  • cognitive development
  • responsible technology use
  • educational software
  • interactive learning
  • future education and career
  • technical knowledge
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