IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Q Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you Agree or Disagree?

#q #people #women #work #police #force
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Law
Use synonyms
 enforcement forces helped maintain
law
Use synonyms
 and order in the country. There is a belief among a group of people that
female
Correct article usage
the female
show examples
gender
Use synonyms
 should not be employed as police officers. We are lucky to live in a world that there are rare cases
women
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 faced
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
gender
Use synonyms
 discrimination. In the past,
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 has faced issues on
gender
Use synonyms
 discrimination not letting
women
Use synonyms
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be employed.
However
Linking Words
, in the modern
era
Add a comma
,era
show examples
 the
women
Use synonyms
 are now able to get jobs and their voting rights in
law
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 and order. Allow me to explain
this
Linking Words
further
Linking Words
.
Firstly
Linking Words
 in every society is working towards the goal of
women
Use synonyms
 empowerment and
women
Use synonyms
 have equal rights as
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
men. Whether it is employment in the military forces,
law
Use synonyms
 enforcement or health department.
Thus
Linking Words
,
women
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 have shown that they can handle much better, prevailing that they have
talents
Correct article usage
the talents
show examples
 to work in the same field as men.
For example
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 can help as they are more organised, responsible and nurturing as compared to men.
Secondly
Linking Words
, these qualities help in solving criminal cases in a faster way by noticing and analysing small details.
For example
Linking Words
, in countless TV
shows
Add a comma
,shows
show examples
 they have shown that
women
Use synonyms
 are able to lead in police forces, some of them are even leaders and role models to the troops. In conclusion, I disagree with the viewpoint that
women
Use synonyms
 should not be employed as police officers. Every person is equal before legislation, irrespective of their
gender
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by pranavsaxena01 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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