IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Q Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you Agree or Disagree?

#q #people #women #work #police #force
Law
 enforcement forces helped maintain
law
 and order in the country. There is a belief among a group of people that
female
Correct article usage
the female
show examples
gender
 should not be employed as police officers. We are lucky to live in a world that there are rare cases
women
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 faced
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
gender
 discrimination. In the past,
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 has faced issues on
gender
 discrimination not letting
women
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be employed.
However
, in the modern
era
Add a comma
,era
show examples
 the
women
 are now able to get jobs and their voting rights in
law
 and order. Allow me to explain
this
further
.
Firstly
 in every society is working towards the goal of
women
 empowerment and
women
 have equal rights as
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
men. Whether it is employment in the military forces,
law
 enforcement or health department.
Thus
,
women
 have shown that they can handle much better, prevailing that they have
talents
Correct article usage
the talents
show examples
 to work in the same field as men.
For example
,
women
 can help as they are more organised, responsible and nurturing as compared to men.
Secondly
, these qualities help in solving criminal cases in a faster way by noticing and analysing small details.
For example
, in countless TV
shows
Add a comma
,shows
show examples
 they have shown that
women
 are able to lead in police forces, some of them are even leaders and role models to the troops. In conclusion, I disagree with the viewpoint that
women
 should not be employed as police officers. Every person is equal before legislation, irrespective of their
gender
.
Submitted by pranavsaxena01 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: