IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it is possible for them to do. Do you agree or disagree

#people #idea #work
In
this
 day and age, one nation must necessitate the workforce supplement in order to sustain t
he e
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conomic growth.
However
, there are numerous countries whose workers are suffering from the a
ging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
process. To tackle
this
 problem, many suggest increasing the retirement age and a
llow
Wrong verb form
allowing
show examples
these
people
 to work provided that their state is completely healthy. In my opinion, I partly agree with
this
 idea and several rationales will be discussed to support my point. On the one hand, an a
ging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
workforce is unable to secure productivity.
That is
 to s
ay
Add a comma
,say
show examples
the old
people
 usually suffer from several health problems
such
 as diabetes or Alzheimer's disease which is not suitable for the extremities and labour intensity.
For example
, craftsmen with eye disease are not capable of performing precise work which leads to the deduction in products. In total, making old
people
 continue to work can make the economy suffer from the loss of product's quality and quantity.
On the other hand
, working contributes to the development of a healthy and happy downhill period. Cognitive tasks are proof to boost memory capacity and improve logical thinking.
In addition
, the c
o-workers
Change to a genitive case
co-worker's
co-workers'
show examples
environment which involves social contact helps old
people
 to stay away from solitude and attain mental health. Having a look at language-related jobs, old
people
 specialising in
this
 major are often neglected by health problems and they have the tendency to achieve an enjoyable life among others.
Therefore
, expanding the retirement age, in the long term, will improve human longevity and provide more experienced workers in different majors. To conclude, allowing old
people
 to continue working is an efficient method to keep them healthy even though chances are the total productivity of the nation's economy will decrease. In my opinion, to apply
this
 measure in a practical situation, governments must consult in many aspects
such
 as laboriousness in order to help old
people
 have a better life.
Submitted by Andy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: