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Band 5.5

Earlier technological developments brought more benefits and changed the lives of ordinary people more than recent developments ever will. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#developments #lives #people
There is an opinion that the previous achievements of science brought more light into the lives of average people than the current and future ones.
However
, I completely disagree with
this
 idea. I am devoting
this
 essay to reasoning why
such
 an approach seems to be groundless to me. First of all, man is prone to think through
such
 categories. Throughout the centuries some individuals have supposed that there is no chance to move
further
 in research. A most demonstrative example is the era of great geographical discoveries. Apparently, the whole world has been explored.
But
Correct word choice
Nevertheless
show examples
nevertheless
, not only have not we investigated the other edges of our universe but
also
 do not know much about our own planet or, to be more accurate,
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 overwhelmed by water parts, which is approximately 70 per cent of the Earth's surface.
Secondly
, there are different forecasts suggested by eminent scientists and we cannot rely on only one scenario. Now we are standing on the brink of new achievements, and we are not able to anticipate whether they will turn the world around or not. And it is not the first time mankind is in limbo. A couple of hundred years ago, during the smallpox epidemic, very few
did believe
Wrong verb form
believed
show examples
 the vaccine would ever be developed. But it has happened, and now smallpox is no more than just a part of our history.
To sum up
, I am against any radical statements and find belief in the limitations of progress ridiculous. I suppose the world will definitely face a big number
o
Change preposition
of
show examples
 alternations.
Submitted by varzavr on

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Task Response
The essay provides a clear opinion and addresses the task statement. It presents arguments that respond to the prompt and acknowledges different perspectives.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has an adequate logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are presented cohesively with the use of linking words, although there is room for improvement to enhance the overall coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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