IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation #reason
Nowadays, many
people
 have only
little
Change the article
a little
show examples
time
 for
Add an article
a hobby
show examples
hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
show examples
 because they spend more
time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working. From my perspective,
this
 situation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 more drawbacks than benefits. In
this
 essay, both of these viewpoints will be discussed before reaching a conclusion. On the one hand, working longer hours creates several problems. Generally,
people
 should have
time
 to do their
leisure
activities
 in order to reduce stress.
Although
dedicated
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dedication
show examples
 to
work
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working
show examples
 is a good
things
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thing
show examples
, employees should think of
work-life-balance
Correct your spelling
work-life balance
show examples
.
Firstly
, working too long will lead to many health problems
such
 as office syndrome, obesity, stress, etc.
Secondly
, lack of
leisure
activities
 will decrease their ability to adapt themselves to societies. Social skills can build from
do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
 lots of
activities
.
On the other hand
, it is undeniable that many
people
 earn more money from working hard and long hours. They can become millionaires if they put
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 effort more than rivals.
For instance
, Flash, a leading logistic company in Thailand, has longer service hours than other providers. As they believe that the only way to win
this
 game, the CEO mentioned that his team needed to work longer at the
first
 stage. Another benefit is that some
leisure
activities
 require a lot of money.
Therefore
, not doing
Correct article usage
a hobby
show examples
hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
show examples
 will save some money. In conclusion, it is true that
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 will not happy without
work-life-balance
Correct your spelling
work-life balance
show examples
. On top of that,it is better for
employee
Add an article
an employee
the employee
show examples
 to reduce their stress level by balancing both working
time
 and
leisure
activities
. I personally believe that
people
 should keep their
privacy
Replace the word
private
show examples
time
 to do
leisure
activities
.
Submitted by kanokwann.joy on

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