Some people are concerned that children spend too much time on computers playing games, chatting and watching videos but all this time is actually good preparation for children, who will have to spend many hours working on computers throughout their education and their working lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
Correct article usage
the 21st
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21st century
Add a hyphen
21st-century
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computer games and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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have changed the means of entertainment and replaced outdoor sports.
This
Linking Words
leads to some
parents
Use synonyms
getting
more wary
Replace the words
warier
show examples
about their children spending too much time on these gadgets for fun
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
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whereas
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
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of the
parents
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think it may help them to be
future ready
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future-ready
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.
This
Linking Words
essay will argue why
this
Linking Words
trend can affect these children more in
negative
Change the article
a negative
show examples
way rather than preparing them for
future
Correct article usage
the future
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.
Parents
Use synonyms
are becoming more worried about the excessive usage of computers for the purpose of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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relaxation. Correspondingly, they think that the children should spend more time on outdoor activities which not only helps in mind refreshment but
also
Linking Words
helps to be physically active and fit. There are recorded researches showing that
those
Change preposition
for those
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who are playing sports regularly during school days, there are more chances that they will remain physically active when they have grown up.
Therefore
Linking Words
, for the sake of inculcating good habits and practices for
better
Correct article usage
a better
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tomorrow,
parents
Use synonyms
insist not to overuse
Correct article usage
the computer
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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for playing games and watching videos.
Submitted by ducnaruto99 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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