Some students tend to travel after finishing school and spend time working somewhere instead of going to the university directly. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Few students like to travel after finishing their schooling and show interest to do
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time

It appears that part time is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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jobs or internships to gain experience,
than
Replace the word
then

The word than may be used incorrectly. Review the following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

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going to universities directly. It totally depends upon the interest and repercussions of a person lifestyle, the essay future
discuss
Replace the word
discussion

The word discuss doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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about
Remove the preposition
apply

The preposition about seems unecessary after the verb discuss. Consider removing the preposition.

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the merits and demerits.
Education
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is important but knowledge doesn’t come only from
education
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
A distinct
Correct the article-noun agreement
Distinct

The indefinite article A may not be required with the plural noun advantages in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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advantages are one can learn from their experiences , they can explore more compared to people who are bookworms considering ancient people without
minimum
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a minimum

The noun phrase minimum seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of schooling, they invented many things.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Thomas Edison got a late start in his schooling following an illness and
as a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

his mind often wandered, prompting one of his teachers to call him addled. He dropped his schooling but invented a Bulb. Significantly,
a severe disadvantages
Correct the article-noun agreement
severe disadvantages
a severe disadvantage

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun disadvantages in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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of not going to university directly may lead to long term
education
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and there are pitfall consequences of lack of chance to getting certification on
particular
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a particular
the particular

The noun phrase particular course seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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course.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there is a
Correct your spelling
businessman

The word business man seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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business man
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businessman

The word business man seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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known as
kantii
Correct your spelling
Kanti

The word kantii is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

dutt
Change the capitalization
Dutt

It appears that the word dutt may be a proper noun in this context. Consider capitalizing the word.

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who drop out
from
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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his higher
education
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, even though he succeeded in business with
ample
Correct article usage
an ample

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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amount of profits, he is not having certification of MBA. I conclude that there are both merits as well as demerits, either going to university directly after schooling or working in someplace to gain required knowledge totally depends on their desire and interests. I suggest
to manage
Change the verb form
managing

The verb manage is usually in the gerund form when following the word suggest. Consider replacing it with the -ing form.

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college and practical knowledge to attain all ways of profits.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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