IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There are more and more effective security measures in large cities to reduce the crime. Does the endeavor bring more benefits than problems?

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In order to keep metropolitan
areas
Use synonyms
 safe, so many standard protective apparatus has been put in place. On one hand, we have the
benefits
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,
such
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 as an influx of
people
Use synonyms
 into metropolitan
areas
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 and an increase in economic activities, which will be looked into.
Also
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, inherent issues like strict adherence to laid down rules, and excessive payment of security levies will be analysed.
This
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 essay is of the opinion that the
benefits
Use synonyms
 are far more than the listed problems.
First
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 of all,
people
Use synonyms
 would love to stay in places that they know are properly guarded.
This
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 sense of protection naturally attracts the migration of crowds from other lesser protected
areas
Use synonyms
 to the other.
Furthermore
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, the movement of
people
Use synonyms
also
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 translates to more and more economic activities, which gives the urban
areas
Use synonyms
 the attraction to grow
further
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.
For example
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, most of the places that
people
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 migrate to,
such
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 as Canada and the US, place a premium on ensuring the security of lives and properties.
However
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,
this
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 state-of-the-art protection comes with a price, one of which is obeying the rules and regulations of the land.
This
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 is an issue for some individuals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they are not used to following
such
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 strict laws and it hinders their operations.
In addition
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, citizens of
such
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 urban
areas
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 might be subjected to high levies to maintain the level of security deployed.
For instance
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, paying so much to be guarded and having to follow some strict rules could lead to anger.
However
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, some populace will agree that if being angry is the price that must be paid to be economically buoyant and safe,
then
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 it is not a problem at all. In conclusion, we have looked at both the
benefits
Use synonyms
 that come from having a more secured location and
also
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 at the perceived dilemma.
This
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 essay totally agrees that the
benefits
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 outweigh the problem indicated.

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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