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Band 5

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in town and cities closing . Do you agree or disagree ?

#growth #shops #town #cities
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Nowadays,
internet
Use synonyms
 shopping has increased drastically which in the future will result in the closure of shopping centres. While
people
Use synonyms
 have now inculcated the habit of purchasing goods online with regard to buying in person, I strongly agree that
this
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 new trend will automatically lead to the shutdown of
shops
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 in the central business
areas
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.
This
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 essay will elaborate why in
time
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 to come
shop
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 owners would have no option but to close their businesses.
Firstly
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, most
people
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 now prefer to buy goods online because of the convenience as it saves
time
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. Many
people
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 now live in the rural
areas
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 who have challenges to come to the urban
areas
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 to get
food
Correct your spelling
foodstuffs
show examples
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
for instance
Linking Words
 due to traffic and access to transportation. With technology, they can
shop
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 at their own pace at any online
shop
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 with ease.
Also
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, it is easier for someone to be having a coffee relaxed
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 his/her sofa purchasing groceries without physically going to the place of sale. To illustrate, I got
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 dresses online weeks days ago for my
siblings
Change to a genitive case
sibling's
siblings'
show examples
 wedding even though I did not go there in person. Despite the fact that some will argue that the risk of shopping online is high
as a result
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 of
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internet
Add an article
an internet
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 scam, most
people
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 tend to engage in it which in years to come will put those doing business at the city centre out of
market
Add an article
the market
show examples
.
Also
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, it has become habitual
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
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 to procure products online
instead
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 of going to the
shops
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 in the cities.
This
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 might be
as a result
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 of cost.
People
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 will spend less on gas to travel a long distance to secure things they are in
dare
Correct your spelling
dire
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 need of.
Besides
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 the quality which in most cases online shoppers worry about
yet
Add a comma
,yet
show examples
 they still choose to buy online. To exemplify, my cousin always complain that the grade of shoes delivered was of lesser quality
however
Linking Words
, she continues to get her stuff online. Notwithstanding the downsides of
internet
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 buying,
people
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 indulge in it rather than visiting the city
shops
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 to get goods.
Moreover
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,
this
Linking Words
 pattern of business will put
shop
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 owners in the distant future to close. To summarise, in
time
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 to come, businesses in the urban
areas
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 will die down due to the increase in
internet
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 shopping. In light of the above paragraphs, I agree with no iota of doubt that shopping online will take over
shops
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 in town because it saves
time
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 and resources.
Submitted by mannahevelyn30 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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