IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #music #cultures #ages
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The idea of
music
Use synonyms
 as a suitable way of gathering
people
Use synonyms
 of various cultures and ages together has been a controversial issue for a long time for experts.As far as I am concerned,there are two main reasons which prove
music
Use synonyms
 can bring the community
together with
Linking Words
 diverse tendencies.
The
Correct article usage
An
show examples
 illustration of these advantages is provided below. The primary reason to take
into
Correct pronoun usage
this into
show examples
 account is
existing
Wrong verb form
the existence of
show examples
 a common musical sense.
In other words
Linking Words
 ,
every
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 all around the world desire to listen
Add the preposition
to
show examples
elevated and valuable
music
Use synonyms
.It can be
further
Linking Words
 claimed that popular and fantastic
music
Use synonyms
 can motivate
people
Use synonyms
 and give them a good sense .In fact ,
since
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 can provide calmness,
happiness
Correct word choice
and happiness
show examples
 senses and even help
people
Use synonyms
 to have better mental circumstances in sad situations.An example will clarify the point.
one
Capitalize word
One
show examples
 of the
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
 musical masterpieces
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
symphony
number
Capitalize word
Number
show examples
 9
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 Beethoven can be the best example because
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy and find calmness when listening to that
although
Linking Words
, they have various cultures and ages. The second substantial reason for the current discussion is that
music
Use synonyms
 does not need to be translated into a specific language.To be more precise,
music
Use synonyms
 is an international language. So, to comprehend that we just need
Add the particle
to
show examples
listen and enjoy.
For instance
Linking Words
,Iranian
people
Use synonyms
 ,usually listen to Adele or Micheal Jackson albums and they have tended to attend these
artists
Change noun form
artists'
show examples
 live concerts. In conclusion,I firmly believe that elevated and valuable
music
Use synonyms
 can bring
people
Use synonyms
 together all around the world because each person with any level of awareness can understand that.In fact, the cultural gap will
be disappeared
Wrong verb form
disappear
show examples
 with good
music
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by aidanabatchian95 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: