Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

The idea of

music

as a suitable way of gathering

people

of various cultures and ages together has been a controversial issue for a long time for experts.As far as I am concerned,there are two main reasons which prove

music

can bring the community

together with

diverse tendencies.

The

Correct article usage

show examples

illustration of these advantages is provided below. The primary reason to take

into

Correct pronoun usage

this into

show examples

account is

existing

Wrong verb form

the existence of

show examples

a common musical sense.

In other words

every

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

people

all around the world desire to listen

Add the preposition

show examples

elevated and valuable

music

.It can be

further

claimed that popular and fantastic

music

can motivate

people

and give them a good sense .In fact ,

since

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

music

can provide calmness,

happiness

Correct word choice

and happiness

show examples

senses and even help

people

to have better mental circumstances in sad situations.An example will clarify the point.

one

Capitalize word

One

show examples

of the

world

Change noun form

world's

show examples

musical masterpieces

Change preposition

apply

show examples

symphony

number

Capitalize word

Number

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

Beethoven can be the best example because

people

enjoy and find calmness when listening to that

although

, they have various cultures and ages. The second substantial reason for the current discussion is that

music

does not need to be translated into a specific language.To be more precise,

music

is an international language. So, to comprehend that we just need

Add the particle

show examples

listen and enjoy.

For instance

,Iranian

people

,usually listen to Adele or Micheal Jackson albums and they have tended to attend these

artists

Change noun form

artists'

show examples

live concerts. In conclusion,I firmly believe that elevated and valuable

music

can bring

people

together all around the world because each person with any level of awareness can understand that.In fact, the cultural gap will

be disappeared

Wrong verb form

disappear

show examples

with good

music

Submitted by aidanabatchian95 on Tue Nov 23 2021

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

255 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent (widespread) and eventually replace traditional foods and methods of preparation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, there has been a rise in the use of performance-enhancing drugs in sports. What are the consequences of doping for athletes? What measures should be taken to combat this issue?

While it is sometimes thought that prison is the best place for criminals, others believe that there are better ways to deal with them. What is your opinion?

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?