IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctors. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People today tend to have alternative prescriptions to deal with various health issues
instead
Linking Words
 of going to a hospital or undergoing an examination by experts. I advocate
this
Linking Words
 as a negative alteration that can lead to the malpractice of medicines and treatments.
To begin
Linking Words
 with medicines, state-of-the-art technology has brought numerous drugs ranging from herbals to artificials.
However
Linking Words
, not all have been proven safe in curing patients, as there is no adequate trial of how they work. If societies consume
this
Linking Words
 sort of medicine solely based on advertisements, adverse problems could stem from these unproven drugs,
for instance
Linking Words
, organ damage.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
besides
Linking Words
 the drugs, malpractice could
also
Linking Words
 be witnessed in a treatment aspect, precipitating more serious issues
such
Linking Words
 as death. When unprofessional individuals take action to lessen the symptoms of the disease, the outcome could be worse. In my experience, I once went to a traditional clinic to cure my stomachache through acupuncture. After three days, my stomach was still not getting better, followed by my whole body feeling weaker. Based on that fact, preferring to go to doctors
instead
Linking Words
 of unqualified examiners is the best way to conquer health problems. In conclusion, amid the dichotomy of whether visiting a doctor to get proper medicine and treatment is a good choice or not, I assert that
this
Linking Words
 is a negative change, as acquiring a valid diagnosis from the experts is necessary for health matters.
Although
Linking Words
 the cost of doctors is high, it is worth it, as societies could recover their bodies well.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
A more structured approach to paragraphing and logical sequencing will improve coherence. Aim for clear topic sentences that lead the reader through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
In the essay, the main points are somewhat supported, but expansion on those points could be improved to strengthen the argument. Try to delve deeper with your examples to fully illustrate your ideas.
Task Response
The response to the task is adequate, as both sides of the argument are considered, but the development of the argument could be more balanced. The essay could benefit significantly from a clearer introduction of contrasting arguments, followed by a reasoned conclusion.
Task Response
There is evidence of clear, comprehensible ideas, but the essay occasionally lacks a comprehensive explanation of these ideas. Development of ideas is often superficial, and further elaboration is needed.
Task Response
The use of examples is relevant to the topic, but they could be more specific and varied to enhance the argumentative weight of the essay. More detailed and diverse examples could be employed to demonstrate the point more convincingly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicine
  • conventional medicine
  • holistic approach
  • personalized care
  • side effects
  • regulation
  • evidence-based
  • self-care
  • empowerment
  • holistic health centers
  • complementary treatments
  • dissatisfaction
  • scientific evidence
  • appropriate treatment
  • cultural beliefs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: