IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

These days, too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine, rather than by following a healthy lifestyle. To what extent do you agree with this statement

#people #health #doctors #medicine #lifestyle
in
this
 fast-paced
world
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,world
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 people are running towards the
materialistics
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materialistic
 thing without caring
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their
they
the
thei
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about thei
show examples
health
 because they trust their doctors more than anything."
Health
 is wealth" we all know
this
 but to maintain our body we rely on others. Some folks
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believe
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belive
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believe
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 in dieting charts while
,
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apply
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other
Correct pronoun usage
others
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 opine that we should earn
the
Correct article usage
a
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 healthy lifestyle . I
storngly
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strongly
 agree that people have following what doctors tell them . In the
upcomig
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upcoming
 paragraphs,
i
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I
show examples
 will shed the light on
this
 statement.
To begin
 with, people nowadays, working 24/7
beacuse
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because
 the price of
evrything
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everything
 has at the peak so, for the basic
needs
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,needs
show examples
 they are working as a machine which ultimately affect their
health
 problem . To overcome
from
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apply
show examples
all these
health
issue
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issues
show examples
 they just hire their personal trainer who
provide
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provides
show examples
 them
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
 weekly chart. In
additon
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addition
 to
this
, we are becoming
more lazy
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lazier
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 whenever we get some leisure time we spend
onn
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on
 the phone .
For example
, when
i
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I
show examples
 get some free time
i
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I
show examples
 scroll the social media for hours and
i
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I
show examples
 do not even have any idea because
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am so addicted to my phone. Meanwhile, I can do some yoga,
excerise
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exercise
 in that time but no who
care's
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cares
show examples
i
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I
show examples
 have a trainer.
on the other hand
, if we try to understand we are just
waising
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waiting
wasting
 our money on all the
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 that they suggest
us
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to us
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.
For
instance
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,instance
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 if a person
wake
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wakes
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at
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apply
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early in the morning and go for the walk even just for 20
mintues
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minutes
 walk is enough for them.
Moreover
, green
vegetable
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vegetables
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 help us more than any vitamin tablets. To conclude with, if we want
wecan
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we can
do
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to do
show examples
 everything but we think that they have valid study in
this
fileld
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field
 so , they can help us but everyone can take care of ourself.
Submitted by poojagangar98 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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