IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, citizens must pay a lot of money in taxes, but education and healthcare are free. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages

#countries #citizens #money #taxes #education #healthcare #situation
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These days, because technology has been developing immediately,
people
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's lifestyles have been changing from the past, so we can see that governments have alternative governance from the prior.
For example
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, in a group of
countries
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, it is important that
people
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 who live in it pay a large
text
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;
however
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, they do not need to spend
money
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 on
education
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 and
healthcare
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.
While
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 there are some drawbacks of massive
text
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, I still that these cannot overshadow the benefits. On the one hand, free public work with large
text
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 has several merits.
Firstly
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, children who are in poor families can follow their
education
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;
as a result
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, the number of crimes in these
countries
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 will be reduced.
Secondly
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, these
countries
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' inhabitants are not doing inasmuch as they do not have access to hospitals, drugs, and doctors;
moreover
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, when the level of
healthcare
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 in
countries
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 is high,
then
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 the epidemic of the virus will leap;
therefore
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, the level of health will improve.
On the other hand
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, the demerits of paying a lot of
text
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 are various. On the one side, citizens who work have to pay for texts
instead
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 of
people
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 who are not employees lose a lot of
money
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 for texts;
hence
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, the quality of their lives will dip
due to
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 the fact that they do not have enough
money
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 for travel, good foods, and different pastimes, so their yield of these
people
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 in their work will fall. On the other side, It is crucial that authorities obtain
money
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 which
education
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 and
healthcare
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 need not more on account of the fact that when citizens see governments do not spend
money
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 as they pay, they will demonstrate. In conclusion, I advise that free
education
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 and
healthcare
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 are the best choices for societies;
nevertheless
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, political men have to follow the rules which
does
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do
show examples
 not make matters to their communities.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
You have provided a clear response to the task and covered both sides of the argument. However, your main points need more specific examples to support your ideas effectively. For instance, you could mention specific countries where high taxes result in free education and healthcare, and how this system works there.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's structure is generally clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some points lack clarity and fluency. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically and that your points are well-connected. Using linking phrases more effectively can help improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, giving a good overview of the essay's content and summarizing your stance.
task achievement
You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of high taxes in exchange for free education and healthcare, showing a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Equitable access
  • Public health
  • Literacy rates
  • Social inequalities
  • Government accountability
  • Standard of living
  • Financial burden
  • Taxpayers
  • Government inefficiency
  • Quality of services
  • Competition
  • Personal responsibility
  • Self-reliance
  • Overreliance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: