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Band 5.5

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures
A large number of prisoners who have gone to jail tend to be caught again after leaving the prison.
This
 essay will present the main reasons and solutions to address
this
 issue. These are some social and economic causes that lead to the
second
 punishment of offenders. From society,
people
 usually have bad perspectives with prisoners and tend to avoid them.
For example
, many parents restrict their children in a relationship with a person who committed a crime.
As a result
, criminals are c
ontinous
Correct your spelling
continuously
continuous
accompanying bad
people
 and would make repeat mistakes.
Furthermore
, offenders would take unequally opportunities to get employments d
isprite
Correct your spelling
despite
dispute
disprize
of their a
cquade
Correct your spelling
acquire
talented because employers have double opinions about them like their truthness, their work abilities, etc.
Therefore
, t
hey
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
would be difficult to find a position in the labour market and maybe they would break the laws again. Both government and community could tackle
this
 problem by t
he s
Remove the article
apply
show examples
ome measures.
Firstly
, politicians could run a campaign about the reasons why
people
 should not avoid the prisoners in the area and
also
 teach the way to treat t
o t
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hem. If criminals are gotten a little sympathy, they will properly have a normal life.
Secondly
, it is important to ensure offenders may have an equal chance to find a new job which can help them to decrease their financial burden.
Finally
, g
overnment
Add an article
the government
show examples
should supervise them and give supports when they need it. In conclusion, the fact is that many
people
 are being committed crimes again, both government and society should implement the methods to tackle
this
 problem.
Submitted by Andy on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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