What distinguishes today young people from their parents' or grandparents' generation is a lack of physical exercise. Today's generation are spending far too long playing computer games, chatting aimlessly on social networking sites or simply watching TV, and too little time being active. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The differences between the youth and older generation, have always been a controversial issue in
society
. One of the many aspects is health, or rather, the absence of it. The young population nowadays are suffering from disorders like obesity and diabetes, and the majority are blaming the pandemic for inadequate physical activities.
This
phenomenon is caused by newer entertainment methods
such
as computer games and increased usage of social media.
However
, I believe that these are not the main factors contributing to the inactivity issues. Some traits of modern life, in my opinion, lead to
an unhealthy patterns
Correct the article-noun agreement
unhealthy patterns
an unhealthy pattern

The indefinite article an may not be required with the plural noun patterns in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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, which will be discussed in the following essay. Apart from pure laziness, it is noteworthy that recent schedules of adults have never been more compressed. In recent times, a new office culture, the gruelling 9-9-0, has risen among the youth in nations. The numbers 9-9-0 correlate with working from 9 A.M to 9 P.M with zero days off. A good example is the IT industry, where companies have a bad reputation for imposing continuous overtime to meet stringent deadlines. They demand that employees are contactable 24/7. As companies focus on increasing their profit margins, many employees are forced to
work
nonstop
,
Remove the comma
apply

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and
thus
are deprived of opportunities for exercising and improving their physical and mental health.
Society
is risking
their
Correct pronoun usage
its

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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own well-being in order to satisfy the demands of stakeholders.
This
has led to many detrimental effects on
society
, one being a significant increase in suicide rates in nations
such
as Japan or Korea. Apart from labour time, accommodation plays an important role in an inactive lifestyle. The replacement of fitness centres,
parks
and natural forests with skyscrapers and luxurious housing has a detrimental effect on the public in terms of their accessibility to areas designated for exercising and socializing. In gymnasiums, individuals have access to specific machinery for different muscle training purposes.
For example
, the bench press is the most effective device for toning the pectoralis muscle and chest muscles. Without these devices, citizens have to do their exercises at home, which can lead to various issues ranging from aching joints to torn muscles. Another disadvantage of dismantling
parks
and fitness accommodations is the lack of motivation for training. Nobody can exercise effectively while being surrounded by grey concrete buildings. Research on buildings and greenery have revealed interesting results. Humans are less likely to
work
out when living in monotonous cities.
Therefore
, city planners should not demolish
parks
and fitness centres
instead
incorporate these accommodations into the population's lifestyle to build a healthy and functional
society
. Personally, the idea of accusing the youth of pure laziness and virtual entertainment is incorrect as there are various factors that contribute towards a lazy lifestyle. People, especially the youngsters
work
long hours and have no access to gyms and nature, which will severely affect their exercising habits. One possible remedial measure is for the government to enforce a limited number of
work
hours and to construct more
parks
. In conclusion, apart from being distracted by entertainment, the young generation faces higher peer pressure than the older generation. The best plausible method a governing body can utilize is to promote a healthy
work
-life balance and to build more gyms and
parks
.
Submitted by tonykim09 on

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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