IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
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On the
hand
Correct quantifier usage
other hand
show examples
 there
those
Add a missing verb
are those
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 who believe that increasing jail sentences
subsequently
Linking Words
 decrease the crime level.
On the other hand
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,
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
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 of them suggest we can find
most
Add an article
a most
the most
show examples
 appropriate solution. While prisons have undoubted advantages, of which criminals are isolated, they have significant drawbacks, most notably appalling conditions and relapse. Historically, felon isolation was the most reliable method. On the one hand, cages are quite humane regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
other punishments which were constantly
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
 in
middle
Correct article usage
the middle
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 ages. It allows people
take
Fix the infinitive
to take
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 a
second
Linking Words
 attempt in their lives.
Also
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, prisoners allowed to work and earn money
subsequently
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 develop
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
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.
For instance
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, men could be
manufacture
Wrong verb form
manufacturing
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worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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 and produce metal goods in turn, women could be dressmakers. Despite the advantages,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of prisons are incredibly old. Dirty and
inacceptable
Correct your spelling
unacceptable
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 jails could contain an enormous number of people.
Such
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dreadful
Correct article usage
a dreadful
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 environment could cause
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
substantial harm and provide phycological depression.
Additionally
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, ‘dog-eat-dog’ relationships between their pear group could be so tense that could possibly cause conflicts.
For example
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, arguing about beds or food. A
further
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 disadvantage is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recidivism, as we marked before, prison is
psychological
Add an article
a psychological
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 pressure on a daily basis. That means, people are adapting
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
cruel
Add an article
the cruel
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 environment and in the future after their inevitable release can’t live in a normal society.
As a result
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,
broken
Correct article usage
a broken
show examples
 mind will try to find
way
Add an article
a way
show examples
 to his comfort zone
consequently
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next
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 crime will appear. In conclusion, while prisons are advantageous for society, it has some important disadvantages,
in particular
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 broken fates and relapse. If countries can invest in the development of
prison
Correct article usage
the prison
show examples
 system,
then
Linking Words
 some of these problems can be lessened.
Submitted by karpovpmi on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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