IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food and drinks that has been scientifically proved to be bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#shops #food #drinks #people #health
It is suggested that governments should prohibit shops from selling food and drinks that are detrimental to our health and have been approved by science. I strongly disagree with
this
 statement. While purchasing unhealthy food and drinks is one of the causes of people’s bad eating habits, disallowing shops to sell
foods
 harmful to our health is unlikely to ensure healthy food choices. People may continue to adopt
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy eating practices: they can cook
foods
 unhealthily
such
 as deep-frying and they may
also
 consume an excessive amount of “ healthy”
foods
. In
such
 cases, removing unhealthy
foods
 from people’s life cannot guarantee they follow a healthy diet.
This
 policy is not only ineffective to stop unhealthy eating but could
also
 lead to devastating impacts. Nearly all packaged
foods
 contain preservatives and additives that can give rise to illnesses and almost all non-organic
foods
 have been proven to shorten people’s life expectancy. If
such
 large numbers of
foods
 had been banned, a lot of companies and farmers producing them would be affected significantly, resulting in unemployment and bankruptcy. What is worse, since the harmful impacts of a lot of “unhealthy”
foods
 are minor and even negligible, it is likely that some companies consider
this
 policy unfair,
thus
 developing resentment towards legislation or protests against authorities, which may lead to social unrest. Based on the above evidence and analysis, it is neither effective nor realistic to prohibit the sale of unhealthy
foods
. Governments should encourage the public to follow a nutrition-balanced diet through more practical alternatives.
Submitted by lslethan on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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