IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some think that it is better to get information or advice from other people, while others believe one can get any information or advice from the Internet or books. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Getting information from the masses regarding some significant matters is recommended by a few people,
while
Linking Words
 some argue, that attaining awareness online
as well as
Linking Words
 from academic records is more efficient.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 experienced individuals suggested to others by their own personal facts, I personally believe, that the data which is collected through the internet is widely known. Let's delve into detail.
To begin
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 with, sometimes a person needs assistance in their hard time period,
then
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 a lot of human beings provide ideas to get out
from
Change preposition
of
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 that critical situation, in that cases if the most valuable thoughts
would be
Wrong verb form
are
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 implemented,
then
Linking Words
 the majority of hurdles would be reduced. community health centres,
for instance
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, are providing a plethora of treatments to their patients, there is no need to go to other hospitals for tertiary level treatment, indeed that kind of information is only given by those who go through
such
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 kinds of ways.
Moreover
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, during the time of choosing
the
Correct article usage
a
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carrier
Correct your spelling
career
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, most of the students discuss it with their tutors and select a better line.
Thus
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, assistance is demanded by an experienced creature.
Secondly
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, no doubt mankind plays a significant role in advising, but the contemporary sources of knowledge
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 be denied. There are ample sources ,
for example
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, U-TUBE, is a medium through which a lot of people share their experience and serve a wider knowledge. If we need information regarding some pivotal issues
then
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 we can approach these videos and solve our solutions.
Furthermore
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,
instead
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 of minor knowledge, we can believe in hyperspace data. In conclusion, whilst our elders' proposals are helpful,
According to
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 my perspective, we should give more preference to online data, where huge hints could be seen and one could be selected, which is high on the rating scale.

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task achievement
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that summarises your main points more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Improve sentence structure for better clarity and flow. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support each point made in your essay.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by discussing both perspectives.
task achievement
Some good points about the importance of personal experience in advice.
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