Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals form dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In recent years, more and more animals all over the world are becoming endangered. There is a common view that authorities and the public should take responsibility
to protect
Change preposition
for protecting
show examples
these animals. At the same time , others believe that people need to lay emphasis on human behaviours. In
this
essay, I will review both sides of the debate to seek a conclusion.
To begin
with, there is no doubt that it is essential to promote people’s awareness of protecting instinctive species.
For example
, schools and universities can play a vital role
to impart
Change preposition
in imparting
show examples
environmental knowledge through daily classes or speeches to students which helps to build an accurate value on specious protection.
Moreover
, tangible measures could be taken by governments,
for instance
, setting up the special protection centre, and attributing professional researchers to take care of them in a scientific way. And most endangered species are successfully protected in
this
effective approach
such
as pandas and tigers.
In addition
, with the development of medical technology, biologists now doing
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
to serve the reproduction of living creatures, which alleviates
this
dire situation to an extent.
On the other hand
,
however
, regulating
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
behaviours should be given more emphasis, since an increasing number of human activities are harmful to the ecosystem ,
for instance
, the fossil fuel by private cars can lead to serious atmospheric pollution, posing a threat to animals' living environment. It means that it is unrealistic to solve the underlying problem
mere
Change the word
merely
show examples
by means of
protecting
Replace the word
protection
show examples
.
In addition
, governments should make practical laws to regulate everyone’s behaviours, strict punishment should be proposed .
For example
, those who abuse dogs might be given a negative record by the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
, which could affect their job promotion or university enrollment. To summarize, it is necessary to do more on protection, meanwhile, taking more concentration on personal activity has its’ equal importance. In the final analysis, one can only conclude that we should focus on how to improve people's behaviour,
in addition
to continuing our work on rare species conservation.
Submitted by liqinan158 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task Response: The essay addresses both viewpoints and presents examples to support each side. However, the conclusion could be more explicit in stating the author's opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a logical structure with an introduction and conclusion. The supporting points are presented coherently, but there is room for improvement in transitioning between ideas and paragraphs.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: