IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More people put their personal information online (address, telephone number,…) for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#people #information #address #telephone #activities #networks #purposes #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary scenario, individuals’
data
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as address or telephone
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 are easily revealed through daily activities relating to socializing or banking. Obviously, everything has both sides and
this
Linking Words
 is not an exception.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that the advantage cannot overshadow its counterpart. On the one hand,
this
Linking Words
 action brings some benefits based on its convenience. Thanks to the increasing development of digital technology, people are doing almost everything through advanced achievements, especially the Internet.
Thus
Linking Words
, some activities are done online, namely shopping or getting in touch with others, which requires publishing several pieces of
information
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if one wants to buy something online, they will have to provide their name, address and phone number or even their banking account’
data
Use synonyms
 to finish all the stages including purchase and delivery. So having these types of
data
Use synonyms
 disclosed on an e-commercial site is conducive to the experience of consumers to a certain extent.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, not keeping those
data
Use synonyms
 in privacy could pose a threat to their owner unless they use it in an appropriate way. If the owners fail to protect their
information
Use synonyms
 from fraud or swindlers, it can be stolen through the little mistakes caused by carelessness when enjoying shopping online,
for example
Linking Words
. In comparison to making transactions in person in which one can have careful control over their possession and do not have to show their either personal or financial
information
Use synonyms
 when purchasing products, there is a negative relation since
online-consumers
Correct your spelling
online consumers
show examples
 have to face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serious security risks. All in all, not covering up the private
data
Use synonyms
 will wreak havoc on one’s security. In conclusion, I would opine that the given case would bring adverse impacts on people’s safety,
hence
Linking Words
 they ought to keep their
information
Use synonyms
 away from some insecure online sites.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personal information
  • Online privacy
  • Security concerns
  • Identity theft
  • Enhanced connectivity
  • Convenient access
  • Social networks
  • Banking purposes
  • Positive development
  • Negative impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: