IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

in many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work.Some people regard this is as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsbility. What are your opinions on this?

#countries #children #work #people #responsbility
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It is considered by some people that children
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pursuing
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pursing
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pursuing
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 any kind of
job
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 is completely worthless.While
,
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apply
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others think that
by
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apply
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doing
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job
Add an article
the job
a job
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 will give them
good
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a good
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 amount of experience. As per my opinion, kids should focus on their studies at
young
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a young
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 age as well as enjoy
the
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their
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 childhood. I will explain
my
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apply
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both point of
views
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view
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 in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, working in
early
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the early
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 stages of life will significantly shift the focus of children from education to paid works. As concentration on studies must be
primarily
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the primarily
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 duty of all the kids.
For instance
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, completing the homework,making projects,assignments etc.
Moreover
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,
career
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a career
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 will
also
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 get
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affected
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effected
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affected
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, if one
do
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does
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 not become sincere
in
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at
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right
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the right
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 point of age.
Furthermore
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, they will get stuck in some small paid jobs which
is
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are
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 very risky for the future.
On the other hand
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, by doing any sort of
job
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,
teengers
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teenagers
becomes
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become
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 more responsible towards home as well as work. Understanding the significance of money which receive from the salary and
also
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 saving the money for emergency purposes.
Job
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 experience enables them to face exposure of work, environment too. To summarise, in my opinion,children
in
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at
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 young age should go to school, enjoy life with friends
additionally
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 participate in
sport
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sports
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 activities rather than working for some firms just for the sake of some money.To do work anywhere,
first
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 of all,everyone should finish off their studies.Afterwards,they can start doing
Use synonyms
Add an article
the job
a job
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 for
the
Change the word
their
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 livelihood.
Submitted by manishaaswal19 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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