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Band 4

Some people say that feeling of competition should be encouraged in children others say they should be taught to become cooperative. What is your opinion?

#people #competition #children
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Children are the tender buds of society and they are required to be taught the true
values
Use synonyms
 of life.
Therefore
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, some people tend to believe that the feeling of the game should be infused in them
while
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others
Use synonyms
 believe that the possession of cooperative
values
Use synonyms
 is required for them. I will discuss the merits and demerits of
both
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 aspects before reaching any opinion.
To begin
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 with, there are many reasons why children should
be having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 computational
values
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?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
Firstly
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, match motivates youngsters to accelerate their efforts to attain a higher level
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 education and in other activities. They start
doing work
Wrong verb form
working
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 hard to compete with
others
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 and understand the value of hard work.
This
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 dedication and hard work help them to stand first everywhere.
Secondly
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, computational
values
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 inculcate self-confidence and self-independence in children. When they participate in activities and compete with
others
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, they are more likely to have a feeling of self-achievement and fulfilment. They feel worthy
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 them balanced and peaceful mind. They tend to become self-reliant and that
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 in the best
decision talking
Correct your spelling
decision-making
show examples
 ability in them.
Moreover
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, a sense of completion is the need of the hour. Undoubtedly, in the modern era, people
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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childhood till adults, face completion
for example
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- in
school
Add a comma
school,
show examples
 there are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dance
championship
Fix the agreement mistake
championships
show examples
,
race
Fix the agreement mistake
races
show examples
,
poem
Correct word choice
and poem
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tournament
Fix the agreement mistake
tournaments
show examples
 and when they
grow
Verb problem
become
show examples
 adults, they face
trial
Fix the agreement mistake
trials
show examples
 in
taking
Verb problem
getting
show examples
 a job
while
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 taking admission
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 college and even face competitive in an exam.
Thus
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, a value is highly required.
On the other hand
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, it is needless to say
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how important is it to inculcate the value of cooperation.
This
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 is the only feeling by which a child can learn teamwork, team spirit, co-existence, tolerance, and patience.
Moreover
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, if history is seen it becomes quite evident that the well-known icons of the society are only those who had a helping and sacrificing attitude. A self-centred human being cannot earn fame in society.
Secondly
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, incessant preaching
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 may result in rivalry
feeling for
Verb problem
between
show examples
 the peer group and
others
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. These
rivalry
Replace the word
rival
show examples
 feelings take no time
in turning
Change preposition
to turn
show examples
 into jealousy and personal grudges. A heart full of jealousy for
others
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 can never hold good for themselves and for
others
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.
To conclude
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, after gauging
both
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, competitional and cooperative
values
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, I feel that
both
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values
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 have their own importance.
Thus
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, a child should be brought up by imparting
both
Use synonyms
 equally
Submitted by uluga2002 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by ensuring that your ideas are presented in a clear and organized manner.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses the topic and provides a clear and comprehensive discussion of both viewpoints. Use relevant and specific examples to support your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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