Many feel that happiness is mainly an individual responsibility while others feel that there are important external factors. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Happiness

Use synonyms

is an important feeling that enables individuals to thrive.

While

Linking Words

some people are of the opinion that

this

Linking Words

feeling can be derived and

also

Linking Words

depends largely on external factors ,others believe that our

happiness

Use synonyms

should be controlled solely by us. I concur with the notion that our

happiness

Use synonyms

is hugely dependent on factors around us.

This

Linking Words

essay

would be discussing

Wrong verb form

will discuss

show examples

the two sides citing relevant examples. On the one hand, the society and environment play an enormous part in our lives. Our standard of living is impacted by the amenities available to us

such

Linking Words

as good roads, electricity,

fully

Correct word choice

and fully

show examples

equipped hospitals just to mention a few. If these are lacking, the possibility of being happy is really slim.

For example

Linking Words

, in 2019 when I visited Lagos state, a city in Nigeria. I became very sick and was rushed to the hospital only to be informed that some of the important equipment required for my treatment was unavailable.

This

Linking Words

really made me sad.

In addition

Linking Words

, some governments around the world are making little or no effort to ensure that the basic requirements of communities are provided.

Therefore

Linking Words

, I strongly believe that it is impossible to be happy when the things that should make life worth living

such

Linking Words

as quality health care

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

absent.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, it can be argued that individuals ought to be responsible for their own

happiness

Use synonyms

and pleasure. In the world of today, where chaos and pain are the order of the day, people are looking within themselves to find reasons to be happy.

For instance

Linking Words

, my uncle who lives in a remote village in India never turns on the television because he said it is only filled with bad news,

hence

Linking Words

relying on external factors for

ones

Change to a genitive case

one's

show examples

happiness

Use synonyms

would be detrimental. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

happiness

Use synonyms

can be described as free and should be generated from within, I strongly believe that our environment contributes immensely to our

happiness

Use synonyms

ijeomaonwere

Dec 2, 2021

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task achievement

Ensure that your thesis statement clearly outlines your position for the reader. Consider rephrasing it for clarity.

coherence and cohesion

Improve the transition between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. Use linking words or phrases to connect your arguments more effectively.

task achievement

Provide slightly more specific examples to support your arguments and help illustrate your points more effectively.

content

The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides before concluding with a clear opinion.

content

Good use of personal experience to support your argument, making it relatable and engaging.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

324 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Individual responsibility
External factors
Personal choices
Mindset
Attitude
Mental health
Self-improvement
Socioeconomic status
Financial stability
Social relationships
Supportive family
Environment
Living conditions
Neighborhood safety
Cultural factors
Interplay
Dispositions
Case studies
Practical strategies

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Many museums charge for admission while orthers are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?