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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that big companies should provide sports and social facilities for the local community. To what extecd do you agree or disagree?

#people #companies #sports #facilities #community #extecd
Recently, some people suggested that enterprises should invest more in providing sports and social facilities for the community. Even though
this
 movement does have some benefits, I believe that big
companies
 should only focus their expenditure on their own
business
. To make it clear, b
uild
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
up facilities for the use of t
he s
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ociety isn’t the r
esponsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
of a
company
. The function of a
company
 is to provide job opportunities, expand the production chain as well as their market, and c
ontributing
Wrong verb form
contribute
show examples
t
he p
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rofit to the economic growth of the country. All of
t
his
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
actions require a large amount of money, and asking these
companies
 to share some of their profit to construct buildings for the local community might affect their
business
 badly.
For example
, the famous Toyota car
company
 has decided to invest in constructing plenty of parks across Japan in 2008,
however
, they quickly realized that their low profit couldn’t afford to expand the
business
 and run the parks at the same time.
This
 investment later has caused the development of the Toyota
company
 to slow down for years. Admittedly, there are potential advantages when a big enterprise d
ecide
Change the verb form
decides
show examples
to build more sports and social facilities for the local people. The citizens will have easier access to different kinds of amenities. They will do more outdoor exercises, h
aving
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
a wider range of choices for their needs while shopping at the malls, h
aving
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
more coffee shops to have a drink with their friends, and many more. But the responsibility of providing
such
 an amount of buildings should be put on some particular organizations that are specialized in social services. They will provide better services, maintain their buildings better in comparison with other
companies
 that d
oesn’t
Change the verb form
don’t
show examples
specialize in
this
 field. In conclusion, it would be more suitable to let big
companies
 work on their own
business
 without the responsibility of providing any kind of social service building
Submitted by Andy on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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