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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people think that government should take care of diet of all individuals of country , others think that people should themselves take care of diet and health, discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #government #care #diet #individuals #country #health
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Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 must monitor and control the diet of its citizens, while
on the contrary
Linking Words
 others opine that everyone should be responsible for his/her own
health
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. If the
government
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 regulates
people
Use synonyms
’s diet it would be easier to form
a proper plans
Correct the article-noun agreement
a proper plan
proper plans
show examples
 and legislation to
support
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 public healthcare,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, central monitoring of diet would require a huge sum of money and manpower which is almost impossible to facilitate. In my opinion, it is nearly impossible to take care of the diets of every
people
Use synonyms
 rather the authorities can try to motivate and create awareness so that community itself becomes conscious about its physical well-being. If the central authority tries to take responsibility for all its citizens regarding food and
health
Use synonyms
 it would require an
innormous
Correct your spelling
enormous
 amount of budget and manpower allocation. We have examples of the countries like Mexico where the
government
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 tried to implement
a similar ideas
Correct the article-noun agreement
similar ideas
a similar idea
show examples
 and that
inresulted
Correct your spelling
resulted
huge
Change preposition
in huge
show examples
 spending of money, as a ,
result
Add the preposition
inresult
fromresult
show examples
 the leaders had to cut down finances from other essential sectors like education and infrastructure development.
Also
Linking Words
 keeping track of so many
people
Use synonyms
 is a very complex task to achieve, so achieving
this
Linking Words
 would require the establishment of new offices and the recruitment of a sufficient number of employees which is very challenging, even for the
developmed
Correct your spelling
developed
development
 countries. Here in Bangladesh the
government
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 once tried to establish a community clinic in every union which is basically the smallest administrative unit of the country. The attempt was unsuccessful, as ,eventually it wasn’t possible to allocate the necessary money and skilled manpower for operation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 are aware of their own
health
Use synonyms
 it's much easier to
support
Use synonyms
 and manage for the
government
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. Regulators would only need to form proper policies and create consciousness so that communities take the issue seriously and act
accordingly
Linking Words
.
For example
Linking Words
 in the USA individuals can sign up in various
health
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 insurance companies based on their needs and they can get
support
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 financially whenever they need help.
Government
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 is there just to provide regulatory
support
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, so it's much more feasible to manage. In my opinion, I believe everyone should be responsible for their own
health
Use synonyms
 and well being, while the
government
Use synonyms
 will provide indirect policy
support
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by pappucdl on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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