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Writing Samples /
Band 5

When a country becomes richer, the natural environment will suffer. It is not possible for a country to both develop its economy and protect the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#country #environment #economy
A number of people believe that countries have become rich in their economy,
therefore
 they are not able to deal with environmental protection. In my opinion, I disagree with the statement. The rich country has already been developed enough in different parts of fields,
such
 as technology and science, meaning that they are capable of building up a complete system for compensation and making a specific regulation in order to solve the sequence of the issues.
Firstly
, the government should compensate for the issues by using plenty of
sources
Correct your spelling
resources
show examples
, indicating that we can avoid any bad situation
under
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the development.
For example
, Iceland is famous for environmental
reservation
Fix the agreement mistake
reservations
show examples
. They
are used
Wrong verb form
use
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
natural resources,
such
 as hydroelectric systems
instead
 of using fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
show examples
 to generate power. Meanwhile, the place attracts many international tourists to visit because they desire to learn
the
Change preposition
about the
show examples
 progress of the facilities.
As a result
, it can be a win-win strategy to make a reputation.
Secondly
, it is essential
for making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
 some particular regulations to destroy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
natural circumstances,
such
 as
over trimming
Add a hyphen
over-trimming
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 trees and exclusive
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air pollution.
For instance
, the government have to give punishments, like a fine, if the companies do not follow the laws. Afterwards, they will
care
Wrong verb form
be cared
show examples
 for before the programmes start.
Furthermore
, the environment will not be influenced by the developments. In conclusion, the rich countries definitely are able to protect and to develop the surroundings at the same time. If we
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 about the environmental consequences and want to stay in a healthy environment, it is possible
for implementing
Change preposition
to implement
show examples
 either of the ways.
Submitted by junweitung on

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task achievement
Ensure that all main points in your essay are fully developed with sufficient detail and specific examples. For instance, the essay mentions Iceland but could further elaborate on how the use of natural resources benefits their economy and environment specifically.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a more logical progression of ideas to enhance your essay's structure. Improve the transitions between paragraphs and ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument well.
task achievement
You have demonstrated the ability to generate ideas and express your opinion clearly, which is essential for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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