IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Medical services should be run by profit-making companies. To what extent do you agree of disagree?

#services #companies
In the midst of
this
 technology-driven global world,medical services play an important role in everyone's life.
Although
,some believe that, medical services
such
 as hospitals,clinics and medical colleges should be managed by the companies which aim to make more profits from that;
however
,I think in a reverse manner and I totally disagree with the given statement.I shall put forth my arguments to support my view in the following essay. To commence with,out of all the arguments, the strongest one to prove my view is that hospitals are the place where people fight to live.Apparently,the public has been seeing doctors as representatives of God,
this
 is because they are doing a life-saving service.If it is run by a private company they will aim for more benefit in terms of money
instead
 of giving proper treatment to patients.
Besides
this
,they may even start to bargain with sick patients for giving treatments.To illustrate,two years ago,my uncle had a myocardial infarction and need to do an immediate angiogram to access his condition and plan treatment, as we went to a private hospital nearby,
instead
 of starting treatment they were discussing with us the bill amount what we have to pay,in the meanwhile I lost my uncle, which was not at all acceptable, as time is soo precious for
such
 illness.
Thus
,
this
 makes it clear that clinics should not be run by any private firms. Arguably,the other point to support my view is that corruption will increase dramatically.
For example
,unnecessary admissions,hospital stays,medications and procedures will increase.
In addition
 to
this
,malpractice can occur especially in surgeries.Tacitly,doctors are forced to forget their medical ethics and obey the management guidelines.
Moreover
,all people in the same society will not be able to get proper health care due to the highest cost for the treatments.From
this
, it is understandable that the health sector should not be managed by profit-making firms.
Thus
,to wrap up the discussion,it has to conclude that health services should not be controlled by private entities;
therefore
,the reasons which I stated above are logically acceptable.
Submitted by chinnucw on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: