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Band 5.5

Most societies have homeless people. Some think that the best way to help them is to give them money. To what extent do you agree?

#societies #people #think #money
In
major
Add an article
the major
a major
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part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of the world, we found homeless people. Some people believe that
appropriate
Correct article usage
the appropriate
show examples
 way to help them is financial support. In my opinion, bringing them
money
 is a good thing, but it is not the only thing that makes them smile.
First
 of all, let's talk about
money
. When we give them
money
, it allows them to feed themselves and survive. But food alone is not enough for a
person
 to develop. A
person
 needs
education
, and resources other than
money
 to develop. A homeless
person
 who has a child, that child needs
education
Change the article
the education
show examples
 to hope to have a better life than his parents.
Thus
,
money
 does not solve all the problems of a homeless
person
.
Moreover
, giving a homeless
person
 a regular sum of
money
 does not push him or her to earn
money
 on their own. The best idea, I believe, to help a homeless
person
 is to provide them with resources other than
money
.
For instance
, the state could help the homeless by offering them training, certification or
education
.
In addition
, offering accommodation or additional support would increase the incentive for homeless people to learn. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 a homeless
person
 will take any job offered to him, if it allows him to eat, or feed his children he will do it. Of course, he should be treated as a normal
person
, not as a homeless
person
, he should be respected. To conclude, I think that financial assistance should be provided
first
, but
also
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
education
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or certification is good assistance that can enable the homeless to improve their futures.
Submitted by victor.recoules on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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